Our Love is Good Too

My attempts will be to daily write on this blog, more as a therapy for me as I use my love of writing.  You will be able to observe what happens with even the best of my convictions, as I admit that days will probably pass without an update from me. The focus of these writings is going to take a shift, as much will now include the new diagnosis for Bob.

The news did not catch me as a major surprise. I was the one who asked for a check on Bob’s cognitive level including his memory while Bob cared more about his pokey walking. We each got to ask the physicians one question, in fact the opening words from this doctor was “What do you want here?” That’s not quite the comforting bedside manner I would have preferred. After we caught our breath, we filled the staff in the personal notes of our Post Fall (PF) life.

I have somewhat refrained from total honesty that usually accompany my writings. I owed my fabulous husband a respite from my words. I have been paralyzed with not knowing the correct actions I should take. We just recently got the label of “brain injured” and that only after my urging. I’ve been criticized for including those two words when I have described Bob, but I knew the form in front of me was not the man I married. I still love him with my whole heart and feel totally blessed to wear this wedding ring for my partner in life. I have always promised that I would care for him at home if anything ever happened. He despises full care facilities, and I will do all that I can to live up to that promise. I am not one to ever back down from any promise and I don’t plan to alter that.

The future will bring forth some difficult times to face but some marvelous ones as well. Unlike Alzeiheimer’s slow theft of memories, Lewy Bodies Dementia (LBD) has days that are severe mixed with days that are pretty nice. Already, Bob has suffered from times when he knows no one but me. He can’t recognize his surroundings, not even sure if he is inside or out. My heart crumbles at these instances for the total fear that fills his eyes. I can’t imagine what he is undergoing just as he can’t understand my own feelings.

We already feel as if our existence is on some isle. We know some of the records of increased frequency of this devastating disease. Bob has a strong will to beat some of these horrid odds.  I remain unsure of many of the particulars for the two of us, but I know we will do it together. His confusion is still only in episodes coming several times throughout the day. That’s now good. I pray that comprehension won’t diminish quickly.

Some of the humor may leave this site as I try to be honest to others about our life. The jokes would be somewhat crass about my husband and his dignity deserves much more than that. I have not included in this blog some of our experiences that have made this diagnosis not be a surprise.

I feel his current difficulties prove our love to each other. Bob has always known who I am. His fear has been comforted by my presence. I don’t want to be anywhere except by his side. We belong together thus the new ending for my posts.

God Uses Our Love to Prove that Life is Good

       Our marriage is blessed to be together. Life is good.