Prayers Needed

Prayer is often a magical word that is tossed around more often than a baseball in the World Series. It’s an unknown enigma that is used as a shield and insurance throughout the world in a plethora of homes and families. People grasp the word in the hope that these short utterances can race to the rescue at a moment’s notice. Yet these words are called to a stranger or some kind of spiritual icon pulled out twice a year for special holidays or a new moon.

Today was one of those days that I too begged for prayer. In fact, I sent out emails to more people than the population of some little known European country with a funny name. I longed for God to be undated with voices begging for help, but does God not hear the voice of a lone individual silently mouthing a plea while huddled on her knees.

We pray for lots of different reasons. I pray for sunshine or for the scale to forgive those yummy Girl Scout cookies jammed in the back of a shelf. I pray I can find my lost keys or don’t see flashing lights behind me as I rush to one more doctor appointment. I pray my hands stop shaking so I can miraculously finish that birthday card that will fly to a home overnight so I won’t be late – again – with heartfelt wishes.

I’m kind of the queen of prayer. I’m known for my reminders for prayer before every committee meeting at church and each meal that I am about to consume. I pray for my grandsons that they may feel God’s touch and the love of a crazy grandmother too many miles away. I pray for pain to subside from family and friends.

Today I learned of the need of two very vital prayers that envelope such important values I hold close to my heart. The first prayer is for people hundreds of miles from my home. A third grade classmate accidentally shot an eight year-old girl at her school. She lies in a Seattle hospital, clinging to a life that should be full of giggles, slumber parties and Barbie dolls. Instead the harsh reality of today’s society has crashed into the homes of that small girl and her confused classmate. Her dad is a member of the US naval submariners, a body of young families bound by vows to their country and a strong female society that support those spouses left behind. So pray for Amina, still in critical condition. Pray for a frightened nine year-old, now wearing an orange jumpsuit awaiting a long legal battle. Pray for their families, trapped in a nightmare straight from a horror movie.

While I was emailing out that prayer request, I learned of the need for prayer not hundreds of miles from my home but actually in my home. I got a phone call about Bob’s MRI that was just taken on Monday. My poor hubby was correct in his self-assessment made weeks ago. He has an additional stress fracture caused by the hardware just recently placed to fix two other stress fractures in his right foot. It’s Bob’s turn to again don those cute hospital gowns as surgeons gather around his frame. I had my spinal neurostimulator implanted in January, and we didn’t have any surgeries scheduled for February. How this will affect his dreamed of trip for the NCAA basketball tournament is yet to be determined. The trip is now just twenty days away. His health prevented tournament trips the last two years. His worried journey had almost come to fruition and his mood was clearly showing the good news.

His surgeon’s appointment will be right after a trip to my surgeon where I get to admit that the neurostimulator does not extend the electrical impulses to my hips or lower back. They will try to adjust that somewhat in the office, but I have been told to not expect more than minor revisions. So my surgery did not bring the relief for which I longed.

So please say some prayers, but make them honest dialogues with God. Let them be sincere and placed right from your heart. The best key to satisfaction is to pause after any supplication and wait for an answer. There’s a lot to talk to God about so get comfy before the sacred conversation begins. You get to talk with the magnificent king of creation. Wow! Life is good!

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

     -  I sure got a lot of people on their knees to have some long overdue talks with God.

Four Has a Nice Ring to It

This may come to surprise many of you, but I actually have a social life. I have had something scheduled for every night this week. Woo-hoo! I’m usually the one fiddling my thumbs as I am plopped on the couch. so for me to have something four nights in a row is equivalent to a solar eclipse four days in a row or me turning down a chocolate sundae four days in a row.

Sunday night was an Abraham Salon where Christians, Jews and Muslims gather together to learn more about each other. This Sunday we met in a mosque. I had never been there before and was honored with their hospitality. This is year four for us to gather. Wow – another four. I should maybe play that number on the lottery.

Monday night was WISP – Women in Search of Peace. Women of a variety of faiths gather for conversation and discourse to learn more about each other. Two wonderful women described their lives as Mormons. Their talk was so informative and each of us received a Book of Mormon. We are all reaching out to learn more about each other, the faces behind the stereotypes. Any females are more than welcome to join me on the third Monday of the month.

Last night was meditation. There were ten of us who gathered for a little over an hour to learn more kinds of meditation. It’s a wonderfully relaxing way to end the day and gives credence to me working on this certification. This will be a weekly event where I am getting to know some very caring individuals.

This morning was an Ash Wednesday breakfast that has been an annual event at our church for over 40 years. Right in the midst of the meal, the fire alarm went off turning our meal more into a picnic. It could have been a REAL Ash Wednesday, but it proved to be just a false alarm. It was surely a chilly break to the gathering for the weather was cloudy and gloomy today. It might have hit 40 degrees tops. There goes another four.

Tonight was our Ash Wednesday service where I was allowed to sign for some prayers and the chanting of the Psalm. I received many kind and positive remarks afterwards for which I didn’t even have to pay. One kind woman described it as ballet with my fingers. I thought that was pretty neat. It felt so good to actually get to use what little talent that I have. Being on disability sure knocks the self-worth out of a person in a hurry and makes you feel pretty useless. It was such a wonder to turn that around.

So I spent four evenings in a row with caring individuals who want to make the world a little better. These evenings stressed the spiritual growth and love for others that is missing from many other weeks. Tomorrow I just want to stay home. There are other fun things that I could do like booking a trip to Paris or writing back to some of my adoring fans of this blog, but we could only afford a trip to Paris, Illinois and so far, none of my fans have written me. Instead I will be thankful for all of the blessings that God has bestowed on me. Life is good!

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

      -  Even somebody like me can have a social calendar with oh my gosh, four busy nights in a row!

Vertigo 102

Bob and I made a fast (that’s fast according to our speed) dash to Target to pick up three items. We left with four bags. I don’t know what it is about that place, but it’s near to impossible to get out of there spending only two digits.  The most exciting things we purchased that day were shoe polish, a toenail clipper and a plunger. (What exhilarating outings we have when we dare venture out from our home.) I also managed to get a real doozy case of vertigo. Let me explain since I still get lots of questions about my vertigo.

I wasn’t feeling quite right when we even walked in the store, so I wanted to make it a short stop. Bob was poking around in search of the perfect plunger while I hurried on to gather the rest of the items on our list. As I walked down a main aisle, I kept looking back and forth to find the hidden locations of other stuff. Now, I’m not the one named Einstein in our home, but I should know better than that. By turning my head back and forth two times, my body suddenly felt like a top spinning out of control. So there I stood, pushing my cart amidst other afternoon patrons trying to pretend that I could walk straight for maybe two feet. Bob was nowhere to be seen to help me out, or at least I thought that since my vision couldn’t focused on an image for the life of me.

As I turned back looking for him, as if that would have even been possible, I now sent myself spinning out of control. I had forced another dimension into my gyroscopic perspective making me now go head over heels as if in clumsy cartwheels. One of the stupid things I do when my vertigo is having a great time entertaining itself is to clutch onto whatever I am holding. I realize that this is illogical, but I hang on for dear life. It’s more than a firm grasp mind you; it’s like a mother grabbing onto a toddler’s hand while a mean-looking kidnapper is pulling the child. I’m NOT letting go!

I’m sure I look adorable during one of these episodes. I begin to sweat or rather drench myself in perspiration. I feel my chubby little cheeks flush while my eyes bounce around like pinballs. Add that to my hold on the cart - a combination Vulcan-grip of a diehard Trekkie or a grasp on a hard to find toy from two harried Black Friday shoppers – and I have to look like the perfect, relaxed shopper.

The annoying part is the nausea that frequently follows one of these perfect times to be in public. I get kind of a bad case of motion sickness once my head slows down to warp speed. That’s been my current status that I am sure ready to finish.

So that’s vertigo! It isn’t always so dramatic, but the fear of not knowing when it will pounce on me is the pits. Afterwards, I always hear Bob reminding me that I turned too fast or got up too quickly for which I politely thank him for his continued support. Vertigo is a strange affliction and it gets even stranger the longer I have it. Although it usually is attached to a bad migraine, it also can pop up whenever it darn well pleases. At least maybe that keeps my life exciting and avoids dull moments. So much for Vertigo 102. I’m blessed that I have the capability to write this all down in a blog and people who care enough to read it. Plus, it makes great adventures for me to share with novices. Boy, life is good!

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

       -  It keeps my social life in a whirl.

I'm Flexing My Fingers

I can’t believe that I haven’t blogged since Monday. It kind of tells you how things have been around here.

I really am trying to get used to this stimulator. There are times that I get these jolts that beat a good caffeine buzz from some huge chocolate miracle with a chaser of my Mountain Dew days of past. There are some benefits of this new little device, but lots of my pain is located above where this unit can reach. It is just my legs and groin, my back is left for me. I sometimes try to turn up the amplitude and frequency to a “rock star” level in the vain attempts that it will distract my few brain cells into thinking I’m having a marvelous, scratch that, a pretty good day.

I’ve been busy working on signing for church on Ash Wednesday. I got a copy of the service and am devoting lots of time to learn and relearn lots of signs. My memory is not at its finest, probably partially due to the fact that I am zapping my body at increasing levels. When I signed with Stephanie in the past, I could and did continually ask her, “What’s the sign for that again?” And she would instantly tell me again and again and again. I loved the mother-daughter bonding opportunity. Now, I have Janet-Janet bonding and believe it or not, it’s working. I am so excited about this opportunity. It’s allowing me the chance to be able to do something and do it well. I don’t get to do “well” very often anymore.  I need this!

I’m not expecting a wave of pity crashing down on me or a sudden onslaught of encouragement either. The previous sentences were a truthful synopsis of how I feel. I’m ever so grateful to have this opportunity to sign once again. It’s been a long time. My church, or at least the choir director, is ready to give me this chance. I’m the one who can’t sit through an entire church service due to the vibrations of many musical presentations. Due to the solemnity of the Ash Wednesday service, there won’t be any loud organ or any instrumental accompaniment. So I get my chance. I don’t mean to shine, but a little glimmer in front of the congregation, my church family would be lovely. Thanks Scott! You have returned to me a slice of my pride that I thought was forever lost.

So I’ll keep practicing in order to share my blessings next Wednesday. Say some prayers that I won’t get jolts and the rest of my body will God-willing behave. I want to be able to use my abilities so others will feel the enormity of Ash Wednesday while I also get a renewed hug from God. Life is good!

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

       -  Since I haven’t been allowed to sign for so long, this Ash Wednesday will be extra special for me. I feel God talking. Thanks Scott.

Bad Hair Day with the Stim

The winter weather finally visited the Chicago area this weekend with cold winds and icy roads. Precipitation has been small despite the cries of children clutching their new sleds. We have had an easy winter really with limited days meeting the first sentence’s description. The one thing I long for though is the sun. It seems to be in hiding most days, making the temperature feel much colder to these old bones.

New blogs have been minimal for our lives have remarkably remained pretty stable. I’m so grateful that I no longer am in the classroom for my bones would probably take the stage on most days.

People have asked about my new neurostimulator, probably questioning if I now meet the standards of Wonder Woman. I need to name the durn thing because typing out neurostimulator is way too tough. The surgeon says all looks good. I plan on going to my pain doctor Friday, where my stim assistant will somehow adjust this new device so the electrical current remains stable. That will be fantastic. My body is still trying to figure out this small gadget, so a month was required in order for the nerves and spinal cord to settle down. If I stand up now, I get a jolt and then the force suddenly seems much lower. If I cough or sneeze, oh my togolly that hurts. So the lesson is not to cough or sneeze. Twisting is a no-no. If you see me I have these little jolts of electricity that let me know people are trying their best to help relieve me of pain.

The stim feels like a tens unit. Many of you have had those placed on your skin following an accident or procedure. If you haven’t needed that, praise the lord and then imagine your entire leg is sleeping. You know those little pins and needles. Well I give myself pins and needles to help alleviate the pain. My body gets distracted and my brain, yes I have one, doesn’t notice the pain.

I’m getting better on adjusting the unit. I’m able to turn it on and off, and change both how strong the current is as well as the frequency, whether the beats are slow or fast. I’m trying to figure out which is best for me during different experiences. I’ve got the sitting down pretty well but must figure out what to do when I then stand up. Forget about the walking part. I’ll just have a continual “fro” if you see me coming. The whole process is causing a few more gray hairs. If you liked those old cartoons where the cartoon character gets jolts and the hair stands on end, that’s kind of me.  I guess I get an excuse for a bad hair day. (I need it!)

God Uses Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

      -  Lots of people are working for and with me to have a stim (or your can insert spinal neurostimulator) so that my life is good.

Are You Busy in February 2038?

I’ve recently discovered that when part of the doctor’s directions are DO NOT LIFT ANYTHING OVER FIVE POUNDS, there is a strong basis for this restriction. Then when they add NO BENDING OR TWISTING, they mean it. There is a Doctor Fairy flying around out there making sure all patients follow the holy words of the physician.

Let me explain. About a year ago, we had our kitchen gutted, and we totally redid as much as the space and our money could go. I finally got my long awaited window seat. I was fresh out of Mayo and so tired of looking at boxes that we just placed, or actually hid a few in the window seat. We did our best filling in shelves, but now realize that some need some revisions.

The window seat was not finished on the interior, so my brilliant hubby purchased some wood to place on the floor. It ended up being slightly more difficult than that sentence appears, but we didn’t need a divorce lawyer to finish the assignment. I was meanwhile working on combining some shelves and placing more appropriate things on the lowest shelves. Guess what? That entailed the OVER FIVE POUNDS plus NO BENDING OR TWISTING rules being ignored. Oops! Double oops! I lasted close to an hour before God was bopping me on the head and reminding me that he had once given me a conscience that had my angelic personality carefully following all rules. Well, it must be lost under one of my few remaining brain cells or filed away with some cool, retro, disco moves.

I was figuring out that completing the kitchen in one day was like telling me to run a marathon. It wasn’t going to happen. Minor changes aren’t quite minor when you catch a glimpse of Bob or me. Meanwhile Bob had out a sledgehammer in hand while he gently placed wood between some 2 x 4’s. He was muttering words that my new and improved angelic personality should not witness. Yo Bob! Let’s not get God too frustrated with us. He’s already scolding me for not following doctor instructions. How about he not remind you to vary your vocabulary when frustrated or put a lid on your built up anger? Relax honey.

Well, the kitchen still is not finished, but we are making progress in there. Various pain medications helped calm stressed bodies. New meditations techniques were well suited for these past days and sure came in handy. Our bodies both went on strike leaving us horizontal with the thought of my blog no place in sight. Well, I’m moving now so hand me the computer.

All things are fine. Our kitchen will hopefully be completed before Ollie graduates from college. We will attempt to remember moderation as we decide whether we still need that bread maker or my mom’s old electric skillet. I’ve apologized to my body and promise to keep bends or twists at a minimum. (Wish me luck on that one!) We’ll have you over for dinner as soon as we finish.  What are your plans for February 2028? Life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

       -  He bops both you and your spouse when you don’t follow instructions, which provides you with more together time.

The Wacky, Confused, Out of Shape Crazy Lady

I finally was able to attend a Meet Up group on meditation. Since I’m continuing coursework to complete certification as a meditation instructor, I thought this would provide me with some valuable hands-on information. I had never heard of a Meet Up group before but I was brave enough to face the unknown. Later, I heard from my daughter that she met many of her closest friends through similar Meet Ups out in Connecticut. So I was only about six years behind. That’s not bad!

I had no idea what I was getting into. I was smart enough (don’t snicker when I insinuate that I have six brain cells) to ask ahead of time if there was a fee in attending. It would be my luck to show up and then be told it cost 50 bucks. Not good! OK – no cost. I didn’t submit further online questions regarding clothes to wear or items to bring. I had already been the only person to ask any questions and didn’t want to be the wacky, confused lady. So I went casual and headed out last night. I was so proud that I got there with time to spare, not a usual feat for this house anymore. As I opened the door, a woman at the front desk looked up questioning my appearance. To skip to the punch as they say, I got there early sure enough, more precisely 24 hours and 15 minutes early. So much for avoiding the wacky, confused lady image.

I tried it again tonight with much better results. Note to self, I should have left my purse in the car. A friendly lady showed me where to put my shoes and I silently questioned whether holes had invaded my socks. Whew, coast was clear. She walked me down to the women’s dressing room, confident that I would put on some sort of yoga outfit. Nope. No other clothes. It’s just a big purse that I thought was in style. What you see is all I’ve got. She then escorted me back to the main room where the leader suggested I remove my sweater and trendy scarf since some movement was going to be involved. My vertigo got all excited about possible gymnastic moves as the wacky, confused lady pushed to the front of my conscious. This could be a long night.

The meditation exercises were great though and the people very friendly. My body overall performed according to my wishes. My only major difficulty was gracefully standing after sitting like a pretzel for 45 minutes. I most closely resembled my youngest grandson as I pushed off the floor with my feet firmly planted four feet apart. I independently make it vertical after a few wobbles for almost 25 minutes. I was soon to become the wacky, confused, out of shape crazy lady.

Everything went quite well though and I plan to return on a regular schedule. I left feeling soothed from the meditation and plead a fast prayer that no driver would soon alter my sense of peace. TA – DAH! I made it home with no problems and now sit to blog about my worldly situations. It’s not too worldly or even countryly or nationly. I know those aren’t correct words according to Daniel Webster, but sometimes a girl just needs to make her own words to fit the situation.

God Uses Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

     - People have to giggle when they glimpse at me getting vertical. Humor is always right. Life is good!

Almost Two Years

I’m really blessed. It’s almost the two-year mark that I have been off of work, and my darling husband has supported me 100% of those days. My disability has brought a cutback in funds along with the realization that the term “disabled” is somewhere mysteriously attached to my frame. All that has been a shock to my being and a humbling experience for this hurting extrovert. I’m still daily learning what tasks are still available through tenacity and fortitude.

I know that I’m quieter and much more introspective than 24 months ago. I’ve ripped off personal labels, many of which were near and dear to me. That means that friends and acquaintances have been able to glare at the real me, now trembling in the spotlight. How can I expect others to understand the real me when I still stare questioningly into the mirror?

And holy, moley the things that are reflected back to me from that mirror probably are the items that scared our local groundhog back under the covers. I can actually brag now about my six-pack abs. The muscles have not suddenly become firm and lean, but my layers of flubber kind of give the same appearance – or not. I’ve tried to exercise some and know I need to take better care of my body. I’ve lost a whopping 13 pounds. I actually have lost hundreds but those seem to keep finding me again over and over. I’ve combined the need for health by trying to accomplish things with my mind, or what is left of it. I am now a reiki practitioner, which really doesn’t mean anything other than it’s an accomplishment that I would someday like to use to help others. I’m working on my third class for my meditation instructor certification. (Of course, right now I’m typing this blog rather than doing the studying that is required for the course.)

It’s been a hard blow to leave that classroom of kids, especially in the manner of my departure. Teaching was always the known given of me and now I have lost a firm grip on that career. Will I be able to use it in the future? That is an unknown, but I used it in the past to help mold lots of young minds as I shared knowledge, comfort, respect and caring every day I crossed the threshold of my school.

I want to declare that I have stayed strong in my faith, proudly declaring my devotion to the world. That would be untrue. I crumble that I don’t know how to sit through a church service without the haunting echoes of the organ crashing into my head. I might sound good to others but I’ve hidden the cracks in my stalwart stand of the past. I’ve helped on committees and shared my linguistic love with the congregation, but deep down inside me I hunt for that dialogue with Christ that daily led me on my day.

It will probably sound erroneous as I admit that I have lost the habits involved with Christianity for that seems like a positive attribute. I have been aghast at the ease of getting out of the habit of joining in the nourishing worship each Sunday morn. My prayers to God are often not as raw because I feel that I have already bared my heart and soul. It’s not that I don’t believe in God, it’s that I’ve lost the open conviction that drew me to the cross. I need the obvious faith and grace my momma so elegantly modeled.

I think I need my momma, but she left this earth a long time ago to finally be in a place without pain. I need her to stroke my hair and reassure me on bad days. I need her quiet devotion to the Lord. I don’t think I ever ended a phone conversation with her without her ending phrase of love and promise to take my needs to God in prayer. She had that strong faith that modeled devotion for her three girls to always witness. That lady could pray! And pray she did.

Yet I am my own little bundle of prayer. Many of my comrades at church know that I don’t begin a committee meeting without bringing God to the table. My daughter knows of my talks with God and daily efforts to live as Jesus would do.

Yet cobwebs fill my daily schedule as the pain has frequently manacled my hours. The routine of emptiness fills the hours too quickly and the desires to break free of my chains dissolve too easily. Yo God! I’m over here.

So now my soul opens quite readily on these postings. I’ve talked about every aspect of my existence, from a spoiled dog to great-grandma biceps to medical help in balmy Minnesota to these two beloved grandsons residing in my heart. I’ve shared blessings of neighbors and family and friends. I’ve warned of fragrant skunks in the neighborhood, magnetic calories to my thighs and economic pitfalls associated with those two beloved grandsons.  I’ve admitted those multiple rolls at my waist, my affections for computer games, and the humorous adventures with a spouse that I love. When I list off these features, a film is peeled off my emotions for me to rediscover the quality of my life. Thanks God. Life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

       -  Weren’t you reading my blog? Life is good!

Gabriel's Pre-Flight Instructions

Earlier this week, I was encouraged to stop and share with my Good Morning Girls group how God has moved in my life. (We are not morning people as a whole and have thus proudly named our small group as Good Afternoon Girls.) I contemplated the questions and wrote my group the following:

God has continually moved in my life, each time getting closer and closer 
to me. I almost am sitting on his lap by now. :) He has been there through 
marvelous times particularly during the birth of my babe, also a Good 
Morning Girl, and the birth of each of her two sons. He's also with me during 
times I need him for help. I'm thinking of going through a divorce, having 
a spinal fusion, and saying goodbye to the best Mom anywhere. Now, he 
scootches over Einstein and climbs in bed with me to cradle my head on 
days the pain is in its glory. He listens to my monologue and my infrequent 
attempts at dialogue. I need to listen more, but I am slowly improving. Thank
 you God for being with me!

It has never been difficult for me to feel God’s hand gently weaving my life story. I feel the 
Holy Spirit fill my body with each long meditative breath I take and every labored inhalation.

Today’s verses gave me a new perspective though. In Ephesians 2:6, it says, “And God 
raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.” 
Through all the introspective Lenten services, Bible studies and individual reflections, I 
never pictured myself rising with Christ. I mean I knew I was blessed with an eternal life 
due to God’s gift of grace, but holy bologna, I kind of went, no I did go up with him? Stop 
a minute and picture that and fill your senses with the Holy Spirit. That’s quite a journey. 
I’m so blessed, despite any hardships, hurdles or hiccups I meet here on Earth; I’ve got a 
first class ticket waiting for me. Sit back and enjoy the ride! (Does Gabriel do that whole 
this is how you fasten your seat belt speech?)

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

-       A free ride to heaven with Jesus. That’s a pretty sweet deal. Life is good!

Read more great blogs at: www.goodmorninggirls.org