The Mighty Three

Since today is the Sabbath, I’ll honor the whole day of rest stuff. I really honor it all week, but I’m not ready to admit that publically. Instead of my usual spiel about The Mighty Three, I decided to just go back and recopy all of the advantages tat I earlier listed. So. . .

There’s the feel of the paparazzi while you bounce off the walls.

You have an excuse for not perfecting movements during aerobics as you struggle to avoid vertigo attacking your fat frame. Is it the vertigo or the out of shape body?

You make the registrar’s day by already having all your personal information already complete on the hospital records. You get to use the fast lane while checking in.

You get an additional cause when you drop to the floor. Now, it’s not solely the fault of the vertigo. PLUS an added bonus is no exercise.

People underestimate your speed.

After having a really cruddy headache, it makes the following day feeling fantastic!

I have much more time to reflect on the people in my life. The only problem is deciding which individuals deserve the spotlight.

You don’t have to worry about getting a fifth Olympic gold medal. You just have to find the couch.

The dizziness prevents me from overeating too much. I can’t catch the food let alone keep it on silverware.

People assume you have a reason to lack patience and have a hazy brain as long as you resemble a ping-pong ball when you walk. The movements, color AND shape of that sphere look just like me!

You learn to deal with changes in schedules. Flexibility is the key word! We have to be flexible in our thoughts because our bodies sure don’t bend anymore!

You get sympathy points when you show strangers the list of foods to avoid. Can you imagine no chocolate, caffeine or yeast? Be still my heart!

With multiple doctors and a gift of gab, you find out interesting trivia from your doctors. My second doctor today grew up playing high school basketball against the same towns described on Little House on the Prairie. The comfort of sharing works both ways!

Communion cups look really cool when you have vertigo. They catch the light of the sun as they spin in celebration.

You make new friends while waiting in doctor offices (and sitting on washroom floors!)

Vestibular physical therapy exercises can make you look like an athlete in under a minute per day.

When you fall outside in balmy Minnesota, staff can easily locate you with your rosy cheeks.

Hidden Halos

We’re finally on the home front with all the work being done around here. It’s like a puzzle deciding where to best place items. Organization and logic are not categories that come naturally to me. I long for Sabrina’s nose or Jeannie’s arms to just have everything put in place. With all the bloodshed and chaos in Middle Eastern countries, I find my problems with vital decisions of the optimal placement of mugs and spices lacking priority.

The company that diligently worked to transform our kitchen and bath into an oasis of ease and comfort needs to be highlighted. I finally have found professionals more anal than me. The care to detail is phenomenal. Every worker portrayed outstanding professional ethics. Beyond the daily efforts to quickly complete our dream kitchen, the owners depict a concern for our family that extends beyond our home walls. They have sincerely offered assistance in any of our physical and emotional needs. We’re plotting to locate small imperfections so that the employees of Prestige Renovations can return on a frequent basis to brighten our days.

I don’t type those words to provide a 30 second spot endorsing a worthy company. I need to remind people to thank God for the many silent partners that daily cross our paths. It’s so easy to remember the waitress whose speed is just below that of an aged tortoise. Then we moan about the cashier with mathematical skills less than my fourteen-month grandson. Some drivers must use Braille to read the morning paper. It seems automatic to emphasize less than ideal performance. It’s hard to stop complaining when that is at least one thing I do well.

So here’s thanks to those individuals who have helped my family in both an obvious and behind the scene manner. Many friends comment on my limp attempts to maintain a positive outlook. (My hubby shakes his head at references to saintly patience and chipper personal characteristics.) I couldn’t maintain my minimal sanity without the angels that sneak into our daily lives. Watch for halos in places you least expect.

Advantage of the Mighty Three

• I have much more time to reflect on the people in my life. The only problem is deciding which individuals deserve the spotlight.

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

I’ve recently been neglectful of my blog that provides updates about our family. It’s not that we are too busy but rather too lazy.

Yesterday, Bob and I both had procedures on our backs. The hope of these epidurals is to relieve some of the pain in our legs. It takes a couple of days before the effects will be noticed. I however got some effects yesterday.

The injections caused my migraine to be excruciating. I lacked “some” of my chipper behavior and just wanted to lock myself away. Those of you who get migraines will know what I mean when I confess my desire for a vise for my head. Now it wouldn’t be like the old red vise that was in our garage as a child. It would be funny though to picture me standing on a stool, bent in half with my big noggin tightly in place while bundled in my big down coat. I could see Bob “forgetting” my whereabouts and leaving my crooked body in a cold garage. He and Einstein would be nice and cozy watching sports and eating high caloric snacks.

He could finally locate some snacks since our kitchen is basically done. There are a few details that will be finished on Friday. A painter will do touch-ups and a cleaning lady will get rid of the grit that now covers our home. It’s kind of an earthy feeling though and admittedly not all due to the construction. My homemaking skills are severely lacking. You might even say that I am cleaning disabled.

The temperature for the next two weeks is supposed to be well below average causing my idea for the vise needing further refinement. . Can you picture me bent in half with my body stuck at a right angle? I am curious what my vertigo would be like. Maybe I could roll easier instead of just dropping to a horizontal position. I hope that I wouldn’t encounter many declining ramps. If I was outside of our home there could easily be a traffic problem as I zoomed down the road. Could I still get a traffic ticket for causing an accident or going over the speed limit?

My headache is much better today. The house is quiet with no workmen drilling, sawing or hammering. We were sad to see them go though. Bob thought it felt like sending kids off to college. Thankfully, we don’t have to pay any tuition though.

I hope you are questioning my sanity while you are in good health. Thanks for your support and prayers.

Advantage of the Mighty Three:

• After having a really cruddy headache, it makes the following day feeling fantastic!

Charter Member of FA

I cheat. I should go to FA (Food Anonymous). I’ve been trying to be diligent in my food restrictions, but it’s harder than I thought. In my need to rid myself of these migraines, I have tried to avoid those foods considered dietary triggers.

First of all, no breads are allowed. I LOVE breads. I could have a piece of bread for dessert. Not anymore. Many fruits are now absent from our grocery list. I was the goofball who ordered the fruit plate when we went out, not to lose weight but I simply like fruits. I can eat most green vegetables but can’t have salad dressing. The majority of dairy products are forbidden. PLUS, chocolate can no longer pass my lips. Oh, woe is me!

MSG is a major culprit that is hard to avoid. It’s in surprisingly a huge variety of foods. If a product says natural flavoring, natural colors, low fat or low calorie, you can count on MSG being present.

So, I have to admit that I have turned into a closet cheater. For Valentine’s Day, I was good with my meal. I even reluctantly gave my hubby the garlic breadstick with only a minimal amount of tears and screams. I sat salivating away while he bit into that warm roll. So when it came to dessert time, we ordered one of those big chocolate chip cookies covered with ice cream and chocolate sauce. A smiling waitress placed this scintillating dessert in the middle of our table. She provided two spoons then exited with one single word, “Enjoy!”

All of my inhibitions dashed away as I grabbed my spoon and glared at my husband. After all, he ate my breadstick. The chocolate slid down my throat in utter decadence. I fought off Bob’s spoon to claim ownership of the warm cookie dripping in chocolate syrup. This dessert was mine! I had earned it! I allowed him to have the whipped cream since that was my least favorite part of this heavenly dessert. I felt like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.

When I got my haircut just a few hours ago, I spied free cookies on a tray across the room. I flew across the room, knocking down two seniors with tiny rollers and blue hair. I grabbed my cookie and sank to the floor, hiding under the plastic cape used to drape my shoulders while I got shampooed. Life was good.

Please wish me well on this unusual diet. Bob has forbidden me to grocery shop as he fears what will happen if I spotted a pineapple, candy bar or cinnamon roll. He has padlocked my hands in the futile attempt to keep me faithful to my new diet.

I will also gladly accept any care packages oozing with chocolate. If I get a head start, I am sure I could run faster than Bob. I’m in training now for opening boxes while running a 50-yard dash. I can’t be denied much longer.

Advantage of The Mighty Three

• People underestimate your speed.

I Still Look Like a Camel

I went to my family doctor yesterday in regards to my hump. (Read the last post for explanation of my dromedary condition.) I updated him on my Mayo trip and added pages to my file. My records probably take up a full file drawer with Bob’s filling up remainder of a full cabinet.

He commented on my new resemblance to a desert animal and dared to utter those dreaded words, “It will just take time.” We have all heard that phrase from a variety of medical professionals but still cringe upon each utterance.

The doctor prescribed a strong muscle relaxant. I was told to continue with the pain pills and try to remain horizontal. All these months I have tried to remain vertical, so this suggestion was new advice. Well, he needn’t have provided any positional requests because one muscle relaxant has me drooping to the floor. Add a pain pill and I will see you next week.

The fist has decreased to an apple so progress is being made. The added beauty rest is definitely needed but shows no progress. I’m glad I have a comfortable bed. I now am even supposed to halt those physical therapy exercises that are amusing when filmed. I wonder if I can consider myself a diva.

Today’s Advantage of the Mighty Three

• You get an additional cause when you drop to the floor. Now, it’s not solely the fault of the vertigo. PLUS an added bonus is no exercise.

The Hunchback

Yesterday morning at my church, I was able to share my memoirs of my recent stay at Mayo. I can honestly say that the audience was held captive at my words. They were captive though because Bob blocked their exit. They were some of my dearest friends at our church; all Stephen Ministers pledged to use their caring nature with others in need.

Speaking to others is not at all difficult to me. I rambled on to describe my version of this special clinic. We then split into small groups to discuss how each person could best utilize their blessing of nurturing others.

During this “intermission”, multiple people focused on this lump that protrudes from the base of my neck. I can best describe it by using the analogy of the Humpback of Notre Dame. Multiple characteristics match our frames so much that you could almost declare him my doppelganger. I don’t mean to exaggerate so I admittedly confess that I lack his musical skills.

On our trip back from Jamaica, turbulence had altered our route into a thrilling amusement park attraction. Perhaps the pilot craved to demonstrate his superior skills behind the wheel and convey his hidden dream of becoming an Indy 500 driver. To sum it all up, following one of the bungee falls, I hurt my neck.

Once home, I used an eating, oops I mean heating, pad to help ease the discomfort. Bob also applied a topical cream to cover the mountain growing on my back. I was limited on my movements and made darling facial expressions while shifting my position. Earlier that week, I phoned my primary physician who could not see me until Tuesday. Bob became haunted with memories of his fall three years prior and convinced me that it was my turn to journey to the dreaded emergency room. Besides, it would be our first visit this month.

After 38.4 hours in the emergency room, the primary condition was labeled a cervical strain due to muscular spasms. That’s just the expensive way to state that it was no big deal. They prescribed strong medication, emphasis on the strong, which quickly had the desired affect of putting me to sleep and thus silencing my complaining mouth.

I woke for church, but Bob gently turned me around and shoved me back to bed. My customary runway walk completely veered off course. After sleeping most of the day, I sit now at my computer filling you all in on my current escapades. I have slept most of the day and doubt any Olympic gymnastic training will take place very soon.

So, we still need your prayers. Thanks for your kind words. Keep peeking at my blog to discover our new routines. With our failing memories, we won’t remember them well enough to tell you any of the details later.

Advantage of The Mighty Three:

• You make the registrar’s day by already having all your personal information already complete on the hospital records. You get to use the fast lane while checking in.

No Sand Here!

Well, we are home from Jamaica and back to reality. There was no snow or cold winds while we were playing on the beach. There were two wonderful grandsons who are now too far from my frozen tundra. Many resort employees have never seen snow and were curious about this white precipitation.

I was curious about how my health (or lack of it) would affect this vacation. Would I be able to keep up with these active youngsters? How would I impact my daughter’s family on the fun-meter? Would I be able to leave behind my Mighty Three?

The answers are almost, not sure, impossible. My little guys kept me moving but were also the best medicine I could ever have. I treasure the new memories made. My son-in-law inaccurately worried that we would consider ourselves free babysitters, but we instead treasured the opportunities of time spent together. The Mighty Three followed me to this tropical island and managed to sneak back home too.

I was still able to consume heaping plates of delicious food while guzzling fun drinks with cute umbrellas. There were stairs about every three feet throughout the sprawling grounds that led me to hope that I was then burning thirty million calories each day. Snapshots of my sausage body pushing from a size 38 bathing suit brought shudders through me. Do you think these vibrations used many calories?

I did need to limit time on the beach. Watching the tides swaying over sand had me swaying when I tried to walk. The tinnitus unfortunately lacked the reggae beat. It is amazing how those grandbabies kept my migraines tolerable during those days filled with sunshine.

We even tried morning aerobics in the main pool. Despite the cold water, we warmed up our chicken-skinned frames. That reminds me of another benefit of this goofy body.

Today’s Advantage of the Mighty Three:

• You have an excuse for not perfecting movements during aerobics as you struggle to avoid vertigo attacking your fat frame. Is it the vertigo or the out of shape body?