Dream Time

Yesterday, Bob received an invitation for another command performance up at Mayo for this Thursday. It came as a surprise to us; we had not expected to make this trip for another three months. Mayo wants to start that fight of Lewy Bodies Dementia (LBD) and so the drives begin.

They need both Bob and I for this appointment. At least I finally can feel needed. We will have a consultation first to discuss Bob’s sleeping patterns. Let me see if I can explain this to you. LBD attacks the way people take a snooze. Most people go into deep REM sleep for those super dreams about any hunks in their lives. Bodies become somewhat paralyzed so we don’t act out those dreams. Without that paralysis, our legs would be moving as we dream of chasing those good-looking honeys down the street. People who have LBD might have some of the similar dreams in REM sleep, but their bodies don’t act paralyzed. They act out those dreams. That means that if Bob were chasing some blonde in his dreams, his legs would be kicking me. (And I would be kicking him right back!) He would not awaken to an unfriendly wife, for the dream would continue and continue and continue turning more and more unhappy. The dreams always turn scary. Yet Bob would still keep dreaming, unable to wake from his horrors.

Mayo believes that if Bob’s sleep patterns can be altered, he will be able to get better rest. I need to report what I see each night as Bob attempts to rest. Once people with LBD  sleep better, they can think better, feel better and do better. Mayo wants to get that going. It will be a way to extend this earlier stage of LBD.

So we go for a consultation and then probably have a full sleep study on Bob for that evening. We are going to drive part of the way tomorrow and finish up on Thursday if needed. It is still very hard for me to travel for a long period in the car. I also can’t use my stimulator while driving. Plus, too many painkillers are probably not advised for the driver.

So our journey begins tomorrow. This trip will be repeated many times in the coming years. Bob and I will fight this goofy LBD. Our love will get us through.

God Uses Our Love to Prove that Life is Good

      -  Bob and I will fight this fight together. Life is good!

Olympic Sized Dreams

I’m really hooked on watching the Summer Olympics again this year. You can probably hear some of my enthusiastic screaming as I urge various Olympians on for the gold. I’m not sure how much they hear me for they don’t always follow my clear directions.

This weekend, when the grandsons were in town, Stephanie and I repositioned little bodies to replicate the men’s gymnastics on the pommel horse. That meant lifting legs, swinging tooshes and stretching arms as the little bodies somersaulted over the couch. Apparently we started something, for Teddy’s Momma reported that today when the kayaking began, he needed to rush and find a box (they still have one or two or one hundred since the moving van left a mere week ago) in order to replicate the arm movements when waves crashed against the boats. I love it!

One of my favorite parts of these Olympics is to watch the parents as their children perform. They bend and cringe and clap and even pray. They act out the very movements that their children need to make. They know the early mornings and long trips to countless competitions. They know the tears and the fears.

It’s equally hard to watch the faces of those whose dreams are burst. A simple hop or slower kick can change the score from medal to disaster.  Their young lives have been dedicated to these days in London. They have so much pressure as the whole world watches their every movement. They can’t escape the cameras. The amount of eyes glued to their actions must be overwhelming in itself.

Dreams are hard to see disintegrate before our eyes regardless of our age. We all have certain hopes and aspirations. We dream of driving the family car, getting our first job, and entering the right college. We pray for a good marriage, quiet in-laws, and a new home without signing all those papers 4,000 times. As we age, we dream for retirement. Sometimes that starts as young as 17. We want good health but often that is not a dream but a mere assumption. Chronic pain changes all of that. We can sit in our own family room and feel like our dreams are ripped from our hands. There is no coach to help from the sidelines. That’s where our faith comes in. I can still fold my hands despite my daily pain. My thoughts turn upward as I sit and watch my husband. I can’t let the pain get the gold medal. I need to fight that as if my life depended on it. Perhaps it does!

God Uses Our Love to Prove that Life is Good:

       -  Bob and I pray for each other as we fight our illnesses head on.

This is Love

It was wonderful having my daughter and her family come visit this weekend. A nephew on Christopher’s side turned six. They were finally close enough to join in a simple family celebration. They stayed in our home and brightened the walls that surround us.

They had to go to some of their personal favorites when we dined out. For Stephanie, that would be Portillo’s three meals per day. Christopher wanted a Lou’s pizza, but we couldn’t put that in a short 40-hour visit. Where would be your places to dine when you return to your past residences?

The kids kept me smiling and just plain laughing. Teddy is smart, silly and heart warming. Ollie is outgoing, determined and intelligent. Stephanie gave me a perfect example of the difference between the two boys. They had gone to a small beach at Christopher’s former base. The boys were told to not get their shirts wet until she joined them. The idea behind this standard was to stay where it was shallow until she could get out all the paraphernalia you take for a summer afternoon. Teddy went into the water and stopped when the water reached his hips. Ollie got that far and then lifted up his shirt and just kept going. Neither boy got their shirt wet; they just did it in their own way. We went to get the boys new Crocs along with those little Jibbitz that decorate the top. Teddy took his time, but picked out five within a reasonable time. He got some Superheroes with a couple of close ups of Scooby Doo. Ollie looked at the choices for about 47 hours before making his selection of various bugs and animals.. He studies and scrutinizes every detail. At church, the lesson was the feeding of the 5,000. Our pastor asked the kids at the children’s sermon to assist in the distribution of baskets of bread to share with all the members in the congregation. Teddy solemnly passed the basket from row to row. Ollie just kept on eating, helping himself to more bread as needed.

I was also able to view the exact match for the word love during their short visit. How perfect to glance to my side at the communion rail and see the five members of my family in reverent reflection. I followed Stephanie and Bob as they returned to their seats. Stephanie firmly grasped Bob’s arm and proudly went back to our pew. Her head was held high and her walk confident. Her look to her Poppy was tender and caring. This was the visual of love. I can’t pick out a stronger example. Their bond has always been strong and it’s not getting weaker. This is love. This is life. Life is good.

God Uses Our Love to Prove that Life is Good

       - A close family is the ideal definition of the word love. Life is good.

Our Love is Good Too

My attempts will be to daily write on this blog, more as a therapy for me as I use my love of writing.  You will be able to observe what happens with even the best of my convictions, as I admit that days will probably pass without an update from me. The focus of these writings is going to take a shift, as much will now include the new diagnosis for Bob.

The news did not catch me as a major surprise. I was the one who asked for a check on Bob’s cognitive level including his memory while Bob cared more about his pokey walking. We each got to ask the physicians one question, in fact the opening words from this doctor was “What do you want here?” That’s not quite the comforting bedside manner I would have preferred. After we caught our breath, we filled the staff in the personal notes of our Post Fall (PF) life.

I have somewhat refrained from total honesty that usually accompany my writings. I owed my fabulous husband a respite from my words. I have been paralyzed with not knowing the correct actions I should take. We just recently got the label of “brain injured” and that only after my urging. I’ve been criticized for including those two words when I have described Bob, but I knew the form in front of me was not the man I married. I still love him with my whole heart and feel totally blessed to wear this wedding ring for my partner in life. I have always promised that I would care for him at home if anything ever happened. He despises full care facilities, and I will do all that I can to live up to that promise. I am not one to ever back down from any promise and I don’t plan to alter that.

The future will bring forth some difficult times to face but some marvelous ones as well. Unlike Alzeiheimer’s slow theft of memories, Lewy Bodies Dementia (LBD) has days that are severe mixed with days that are pretty nice. Already, Bob has suffered from times when he knows no one but me. He can’t recognize his surroundings, not even sure if he is inside or out. My heart crumbles at these instances for the total fear that fills his eyes. I can’t imagine what he is undergoing just as he can’t understand my own feelings.

We already feel as if our existence is on some isle. We know some of the records of increased frequency of this devastating disease. Bob has a strong will to beat some of these horrid odds.  I remain unsure of many of the particulars for the two of us, but I know we will do it together. His confusion is still only in episodes coming several times throughout the day. That’s now good. I pray that comprehension won’t diminish quickly.

Some of the humor may leave this site as I try to be honest to others about our life. The jokes would be somewhat crass about my husband and his dignity deserves much more than that. I have not included in this blog some of our experiences that have made this diagnosis not be a surprise.

I feel his current difficulties prove our love to each other. Bob has always known who I am. His fear has been comforted by my presence. I don’t want to be anywhere except by his side. We belong together thus the new ending for my posts.

God Uses Our Love to Prove that Life is Good

       Our marriage is blessed to be together. Life is good.

The Sluggard

Well, I’ve managed to take the role of a sluggard today accomplishing basically nothing. The emotions of Bob and I have had momentary cracks when the latest news has slowly ebbed into our consciousness. Bob remembers one or two other friends that he would like me to contact. More and more people have sent emails or made calls to remind us of their love and support.

Stephanie et al came in this evening. It always brightens the spirit to have little feet rush down our halls. Those little arms give the best hugs ever. You can hear calls for Onnie and Oppie as excuses for bedtimes become apparent. A little spoiling never hurts. That’s the joy of being a grandma.

That handsome son-in-law came into town still dressed for school. He cuts a mighty fine fellow in all of his Notre Dame garb. I smile at visions of him teaching in one of the most highly recognized universities in the country.  What a perfectly sculpted family they make.

Although the news was far from a surprise, it surely has taken some of the wind from my sails. Will our lives go back to normal? Would we notice normal if it walked by? Would normal recognize us? I’m not too sure. What will our family room look like in another seven years?

Who do you like to surround you when you get some news? Do you like to surround yourself with loved ones or keep the news tucked quietly in your heart? We have other friends struck by dementia who have chose to keep their secret to themselves. I don’t know if that is by fear of this dreaded disease, the shame of having an illness, or the misconception that it might disappear if only kept hidden away. When do you decide to unlock some of the secrecy stored in your soul? What secrets do you have tucked away? To whom do you share?

Bob and I tend to let everything out. We could hardly be a reality TV family, but we are open in our travails and mountaintops. Everyone is different. Each family must remain strong in their beliefs no matter what should happen.

So life goes on. I’ll fill you in on my treasures tomorrow.

We Got Our Label

Bob and I just returned from Rochester, Minnesota where the clinic staff at Mayo took a long look at my husband. Some of you may not be aware of some of the big concerns we have regarding Bob’s health. So, we went to go get some answers – and they gave us some.

During the last few days, I have written particular about some of Bob’s activities. If you had to explain it in just one word, you could say thorough. This is what we wanted. Bob especially needed a label. I wanted help with some of Bob’s episodes of forgetfulness. They gave us what we wanted.

We went back today and we finally got some news. Bob has Dementia with Lewy Bodies (DLB). You probably know as little about this syndrome as we did before we walked through the doctor’s door. The condition is a result of his February 2008 fall; there is scar tissue on his brain. This is a common dementia that is progressive. Bob will also begin some medications that will hide some of the symptoms and make Bob more comfortable.

We go back to Mayo in three months, this time for Bob to get another in-depth sleep study. Bob’s nutty sleep patterns are symptoms of DLB. This includes his crazy schedule and lack of deep sleep. (It doesn’t come close to hinting about how cute he is though.) We go back to Mayo six months from today for further psychological studies. They will then be able to provide us with a longer prognosis.

I know a lot of you will be checking out DLB on your computers. That’s great! I will be doing some of that too. Mayo will continue to provide us with additional  information as we flip calendar pages. Each person proceeds somewhat differently. Please honor our privacy though by limiting advice from your Great Aunt Bernice’s neighbor. Even so, call us up and invite us out for pizza. We would love to see our friends. This is a time God has told us to trust in Mayo. We are honestly still in some shock about the news. As we find out additional information, we will let you know.

I do know that Bob and I are incapable of driving up to Rochester by ourselves. It just isn’t safe! Stephanie has already offered her services. We can also fly up and perhaps rely on public transportation when we are there. Some good news is that we are quite pleased with our hotel that is only two blocks from Mayo. We might need some eyes watching over our home and pooch or even “taxi” drives to the airport.

You can please keep those prayers going. That need will only increase over the next few years. I think you all know our deep belief in the power of prayer. Those voices to God would be wonderful.

We will keep you up to date as we learn more things about DLB. We are blessed with some of the world’s best doctors and a God who is watching us full time. Life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

     -  Throughout our multiple medical difficulties these past few years, our marriage has only gotten stronger. For that, thanks so much God. Life is good.

Tom Thumb Doughnuts

Once again, Bob was going from appointment to appointment today as the team of physicians tried to ascertain more about his specific difficulties. We started the morning out at the Pain Center, the same locale where I stayed for close to a month. People weren’t jumping up and down to see me, but I had a similar lack of reaction. The recommendation was for Bob to come up to Rochester and stay for the same program I endured. There are quite a few errors in that statement. Bob would have trouble staying alone for that length of time. Also, his current use of medications would be difficult to remove in a cold turkey fashion. (Where did that silly statement come from? Why not hot turkey with mashed potatoes? Wikipedia gave unusual possibilities - shocker!) That program has limited success for a person with a brain injury. Oh, yeah – Bob has some new initials. He now is considered BI. I think that is neat since his casual monogram is BI. Cute?

Bob then spent hours with a psychologist being tested for IQ, memory issues and knowledge of various trivia. The exams took a little over four hours. They were pretty thorough. Bob took most of these evaluations about a year ago, so this will provide them an opportunity to compare these figures with the baseline. The best thing about the afternoon was they told Bob to bring a snack. Anything involving food can’t be that bad.

I sat and waited for him to complete the evaluations. Explain to me why I got so darn tired. I was not alone, for I saw many heads bobbing away as bodies tried to fight off the fatigue caused by some unknown sleeping potion in the ventilation. We weren’t doing anything tough. I saw some Sudoku, e-readers and knitting, all activities picked by the person involved. There was a little small talk in the warm, stuffy room. People felt some kind of bond being there together. Forget the new friendships or scheduled distractions. Instead, it was zzzzzzzzzz!

We decided to go out to the county fair and check out the food. Once again, you could get fried anything! I could feel my arteries constricting away. I am a new fan of Tom Thumb doughnuts. We couldn’t find elephant ears, but these made fabulous substitutes. Bob and I probably shouldn’t have gone, for our footsteps significantly slowed by the end of the first row of yummies. The car somehow seemed much farther away. I’m sure some comedian came and reparked it at a further distance.

We’re tired. Bob has been poked and prodded more than he ever desired. I wonder how many times he has been asked to recite his birthday to supposedly verify his identity. The waiting for suggestions from the nine gazillion test results will be tough. We learned that this distance is way too far for the two of us to drive. Do you think Einstein could take over behind the wheel?

We’re praying that some clue to Bob’s conditions can be found and rectified. We know there is a return trip for a command performance in the middle of August. He’s just so cute that people want to see more of him. That means to keep the prayers coming. We have been very blessed so far.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

            Anything involving new foods like Tom Thumb doughnuts cannot be bad!

Alphabet Soup

Today, here at Mayo Clinic, was alphabet soup day for my hubby: EEG, EMG, MRI, etc. I wonder if there is a correlation between which letters are used with the amount of the bill. It filled the day leaving no time for any spare activities. Bob has wanted to go fishing or geocaching, but that is not in the stars at this time. Instead, he got to imitate a chubby pincushion in his EMG. He does not feel neglected.

The technicians stopped on some of the evaluations to call the lead doctor. I doubt they were checking on the doc’s evening activities, and it’s about three weeks until we hear about any of the results. It’s one of those things where we want them to find something to explain Bob’s pain but nothing too severe. Note: I am not Bob’s only pain!

Tomorrow Bob gets to go get his hands slapped as they review his medications and urge him to take the non-narcotic path to a long life of chronic pain. That will surely boost his mood. It will be reunion day for me at St. Mary’s Pain Clinic. That’s where I stayed for three weeks not that long ago. He also has the full gambit of psychological and cognitive testings lasting the whole afternoon. They say to even bring snacks since the exams are lengthy. I don’t think they had in mind a suitcase of yummies, but they never listed any specifics and Bob likes to be prepared. I hate those tests where you have to reach a ceiling – a specific number of consecutive errors. No matter how you do on the test, you just remember ending with a bunch of wrong answers. Scores from earlier tests he took back home will be used for comparison purposes. Psychologists will ask him all sorts of fun things like reciting the pledge backwards after stating the prime numbers larger than 3,000 while doing cartwheels around the room. OK, I might have slightly exaggerated on the last one, but you get the main idea.

I forgot some of the beauty I am able to see while I wait for Bob during his testings. It sends shivers up my arms straight to my heart as I notice couples holding hands while waiting for other doctor appointment or a solemn senior quietly kissing her husband while she strains pushes his wheelchair down the hall. Moms bounce babies with silent tears streaming down their cheeks. Teenagers pace around the chairs pretending they are too cool to worry but never take their eyes from their devoted parents just across the room.

Love echoes through the halls and provides the stamina needed for the nine million tests ordered each day. If you strain your ears in a quiet corner, you can hear all those prayers heading straight to God. Life is good.

God Uses Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

        -  You see those herculean bonds of love supporting those with chronic pain.

Chocolate Mousse

We are done with Bob’s Day 1 at Mayo and we are both exhausted. The psychologists and neurologists were rather blunt with lots of questions beginning early this morning. We retold our February 2008 story over and over. That’s the famed date when Bob tried the ballerina move on the driveway and lost to the ice. It’s amazing how few of the facts he remembers from that debacle and how clearly I can visualize the whole thing.

My dilemma came when I needed to inform the doctor of some of Bob’s memory issues. I was ready to tell some of my versions but not with my poor hubby looking in shock next to me. He knew he had some cognitive problems but didn’t realize the frequency or severity of his memory problems. Meanwhile, while I was talking to the doctor, he kept throwing out numbers and words for Bob to remember. All this was happening while he was struggling to put on his socks. You get the idea. This is starting to look like my vertigo testing was a cakewalk. Can you repeat 7 digits five minutes after you initially hear them when you have multiple other questions thrown at you?

Tomorrow we have alphabet soup: EEG, EKG, MRI, etc, etc. At least he just needs to stay still and smile. My goofy hubby will surely fall asleep – no kidding. Contact me quickly if you want in on the pool on how long before the examiner can hear his snores.

I told Bob we would not keep his new sleeping plan for the hours here in Rochester. He told me then we shouldn’t worry about the point values of all those goodies I put in my mouth. He even brought yummy chocolate mousse to prove his point. His bet will be that in the middle of the night, he will get up and see me huddled in the corner of the couch with a bowl of mousse clenched in my hand. Bob just may be right. To my credit, I tried the salad in the cafeteria. Let’s just say they bake better than they prepare other food. Give me a little slack.

The weather is warmer than our last visits. We were here together in January when the temperature plummeted to -22^O.  Remember my post in Balmy Minnesota. I came up for a month starting in March when the spring weather was great. Now we’re here in July when there are new temperature records, this time the opposite of January.

I’ll keep you informed with this post. Please pray for strength for my hubby. These appointments aren’t all filled with a food buffet. Pray for my strength that I won’t be up in the middle of the night slurping down that mousse. Man, life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

       Who else can have a mousse pool? Hmmmm! Life is good.

A Bigger Twinge

I’ve refrained from writing lately on my blog. My recent absences are due to the #Convention2012 for Stampin’ Up. It was a great few days seeing many wonderful classes and lots of new products.  Information about a special club will be coming soon. Our home has been covered with uneasiness over these next few days at Mayo Clinic making it difficult to share how we are doing. We’re unsure what to expect as doctors examine all of Bob’s past medical records since that famous day in February 2008 that transformed our lives.

Bob slipped and fell on the ice that fateful day. He joined the ranks of disabled and had his life bombarded with huge changes that didn’t have his stamp of approval. Many activities were just ripped from his capabilities while he wanted to cling to at least some of his past. That’s how Bob views it.

I view it as a narrow escape from the world of quadriplegia. I still feel the weight of a surgeon’s arm as we stand in a hospital hallway looking at crushed vertebrae.  Bob doesn’t remember those weeks immediately after the fall. He can look at our mailbox without shudders of past images floating by. The hours with specialists and their solemn faces as they warned me of the horrid possibilities Bob may have to face are unknown to Bob. I lived in the ICU with the support of staff, friends and family in a time of tears and fears. That’s when I realized the stupendous power of prayer.

We don’t know what will happen here. Will the doctors merely agree with the diagnosis and send us on our way? Will some of their suggestions be difficult to accept? Will the prognosis dim dreams and hopes for the future? We don’t know. Period. That doesn’t concern me as much as it haunts my husband.

I remember Bob had such grand expectations of Mayo when I was the patient. He worshipped the sacred power bursting from the walls of this Rochester monument. My hubby confidence soared, so sure that my headaches and vertigo would magically disintegrate when the Mayo wand was twirled in my direction. It didn’t work that way.

Please think of us throughout these next days. I’ll take time to post our daily actions, just as I first started blogging about my days in balmy Minnesota.  I love it. We come in January when the mercury dipped to -22^o without the effect of wind chill. Now we come in the cool days of July. We’re nuts. Stay tuned for power packed posts. In reality, there will be lots of sitting and waiting and sitting some more as Bob undergoes multiple assessments. I’m sure I’ll sorely miss my life of excitement at home where I would watch our grass turn even browner and crispier. What we could really use our some prayers of comfort coming this way. Right now, emotions of fear, trepidation and determination are mixed with a twinge of hope. Help us get a bigger twinge. Help my hubby know that life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

        - It’s like déjà vu staying in the same hotel and even going to a favorite restaurant. Thanks God! Leave it to the Ichida’s to calm jitters with ice cream therapy.

Amen

It’s a hot, summer afternoon as the sun continues to shine and the clouds forget to rain. People have hunkered down in their homes as they use air conditioning to hide from the heat and humidity.

We had a guest pastor this morning as our usual minister has taken a well-deserved break. The sermon had several thought provoking points that I will let roll around in my hollow head. I like when he commented that when we gather at the table for communion, it prepares us to gather around all our other tables this week: boardroom, council, committee and kitchen. That’s a nice imagery that has escaped me up to now.

He also described the puzzling reminder about the 2000-year age of Christianity. To really think how many people still gather in worship after all these years. In that holy place, we even confess our sins, a unique thought in this day and age. Forgiveness is an often forgotten skill as people clamor to the top despite whom they step on during the climb. A few politicians have vainly attempted such a maneuver in front of microphones, as the forgiving wife stands mute in the background. Is he really asking for forgiveness?

I just got sent this web site: http://www.dogwork.com/prybrme8/

I think these pets pray far more than so many others in this world. Supposedly 80% of the United States say they pray. The big questions are when, where and why do they pray. Is it only a command to God for healing? Is it once a week at church? Is it a mechanical voice quickly uttering a memorized verse without any meaning? God really is pretty patient with us.

Hopefully, I provided a few things to think about today. Did you gather at the Lords table for communion? Does it have an impact on your day? Do you really ask for forgiveness? Is it from your heart?

More and more, I spend time talking to God. Although I am guilty of sometimes spitting out the memorized Lutheran mealtime blessing and night time Our Father. I also say both versions of "Now I lay me . . ." as my head hits the pillow. I like the idea sometimes of falling asleep while still talking to God. Do I really believe He heard my words? Did it make any difference with anything?

I am getting to like how the Mormon faith has NO memorized prayer. Instead, they pray what is in their minds and hearts. Does that really help to carry through their day?

So go spend some time with God and thank Him for a life that is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

        - I have lots of extra time to talk to God through prayer.

The Prudent Tongue

In my current Bible Study with Good Morning Girls, warnings have burst from verses telling of the power of our words. Utterances can be either good or evil, their power is still the same. We all know of instances when friendships have been destroyed because the tongue worked faster than the heart. We have been the person whispering the words or the subject of the gossip. How can it be so hard to keep the tongue from wagging.

My yoga instructor recently heard at a conference the acronym WAIT: Why Am I Talking. In her case it is meant for the yoga instructor, but this advice has far grander uses. So often I leave my home with a conviction that only positive words would flow out of my mouth. That works until I am 2 minutes on my way. Unrequested critiques just bounce right out of my lips. I hear some juicy gossip and there is a primal need to join in on the discussion. “Look what she has the audacity to wear,” comes from my wisdom gained on What Not to Wear. “She’s really gaining weight. You wouldn’t believe it.” I say that when my own scale screams numbers far more than healthy. “She thinks she is so darn special!” I must be “specialer” to make that judgement. Where do these words come from?

Proverbs 10:9b matter of factly states, “the prudent holds their tongues.” Obviously I can scratch “prudent” from my list of personal characteristics. Besides, today’s society doesn’t reward those who are discreet or sober. This term is dated, used more in my great grandmothers day as hooped skirts filled the hall. What’s really the big deal now?

Political parties throw negative claims at the other candidate, but we should somehow be better than the people we choose to lead us. Hmm. That’s something too true to really ponder. They proudly declare it will be a positive campaign until they take three steps from that podium or television microphone. We ask for forgiveness in church, but are hardly out in the narthex before hurtful thoughts stream through our brains.

The Bible has had lots to say to me lately as I read verses throughout the Old and New Testaments. Now I just need to follow through on these time honored verses. Wish me luck.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

-       I have lots of time to open my Bible and then open my heart.

References are for www.Goodmorninggirls.org. Check it out!

Humor at Every Turn

During the last few months, I haven’t placed any of my blogs on Good Morning Girls. In past studies, I have hurried to finish my writings so my thoughts could be among women who write on a regular basis AND have countless people daily reading their words. (Pause here so you can feel that sense of wonder. Maybe even quietly and slowly whisper “Wow!”) I have been shocked to see comments from women from countries literally throughout the world. It was more than a pride issue even though I did sit a little taller when typing at the computer. It was a sense of awe that I was part of a bigger picture in which countless women pause to read the same Bible verses that morning as I. I was humbled to be a tiny piece of that whole picture. Wow! Life IS good.

Yet these past months, I have continued to blog but with diminished frequency and different topics. My thoughts, rare as they may be, have not included these Bible readings because I personally was unsure of how to add them. I knew that the majority of my group worried about such a conservative point of view while reading a preponderance of posts. Emails from Good Morning Girls keep coming at rates that flood my virtual mailbox. This increased volume is a new feature that highlights my failure to focus on this study. Although Proverbs 31 declares the path to become a good wife, feelings of hurt and depression blanket too many of my friends without a ring on their left hands.

Last night, I’ve challenged myself to share my thoughts despite the difficulties briefly described in the above paragraph and thank you God, the words from today’s verses bounced off the page right at me. The pronoun in this verse can even be switched to “he” for God’s talking to everyone here. God really is a remarkable guy. One of the verses says,

                        She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh

                        at the days to come.                                    Proverbs 31:25

These are some of the traits for which I have yearned for a long time. How in the world can I have dignity when my steps, due to my vertigo, have me bouncing off the trees as I stumble down the block? When feeling cruddy, my little grandson (yep, I’m a grandma) has more fortitude and tenacity than I. I don’t see strength or dignity hanging anywhere near my house.

Yet I stop to continue to read this verse. “She can laugh at the days to come.” Now here is a trait to which I cling:  humor. Where would I be without giggling at some of our predicaments? How many other couples can support each other when one is drooping and the other pirouetting down their paths? Don’t get me wrong for I can throw my share of pity parties, but the end results are actual guffaws when we both lay splattered on the floor with our dog Einstein joining in the ruckus. Then I back up, or spin 180^O, to notice that there is a different kind of strength in my movements. I’m still rocking and rolling after three years of dizziness and I’ve got my share of bruises to prove it, but I straighten back up with a presumed dignity that I could never possess without the grace of God.

My stumbles now are fewer, but I do know this verse for I have tried my durndest to not let others feel discouraged and distraught about their chronic pain. I have written these posts so heads all over can pivot up to the heavens to declare, “I hear you God. With you, I can muster up the power to get back up.” Now I don’t exactly pop right up and walk the straight and narrow. My path still meanders along the way, but if I stop to giggle with friends, new and old, the route looks a whole lot straighter. I have found my own version of strength and dignity. Thanks God for life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

-       When I stop bellyaching about my troubles, I can find a special strength and dignity. Thanks God! Life is really good!

Take time to check out www.goodmorninggirls.org for more viewpoints about these verses.

A Band-Aid with Feelings

I am surprised that I have not been adding to my blog as frequently as I had originally planned in my rattled little head. I feel part of the difficulty lies in determining my purpose. That sounds like music should suddenly boom from your computer as I lumber off into the sunset. This blog had been written in the attempts to inform people what life with chronic pain is all about. I also wanted to tell others about the care provided at Mayo. I have used it as a short devotional approach, particularly over the Advent season. I like to add a bit of humor because that is my personality and I don’t want to be boring. I am many things, but few people can splat me with the adjective of boring. Deciding on my humor is tough though because I have been scolded for using humor aimed at myself, particularly about my less than svelte form, yet that larger silhouette is such an easy target to hit. I would love to hear your feedback. If commenting is not your cup of tea, which is apparently pretty true since I get NO comments, jot me an email. Help me!

The weather has been ridiculously hot. Summer storms have knocked out the electricity in many homes with huge trees falling over power lines. We were blessed with our new generator; yes that generator that I complained about just a couple of weeks ago. Just ignore my words on that post. My hubby was actually right and I already humbled myself and told him so. I just didn’t use a very loud voice, but it should be considered louder than a whisper. It’s not my fault that the washer is so loud.

Our pastor had a wonderful sermon and children’s sermon this past Sunday. It speaks of my maturity level that I gain so much that is aimed primarily at the kids. Everybody worshipping that day received a band-aid. We were to immediately put it on our hand despite the possibility of wrappers all over the place. Whenever we spotted that bandage, we were to say a special prayer. Some members of the congregation printed a name on their new band-aid. That visual provided that reminder to continuously pray for someone in particular. I still have my band-aid on my finger and it has worked by focusing my thoughts on God. A really wonderful part of this idea was that the kids from the children’s sermon were the people who passed out band-aids to all. Nothing like a small smiling face filled with pride to remind me to turn to God with my prayers.

Another wonderful part of Pastor Hellstedt’s sermon was a neat slogan to remember during our talks with God. I don’t remember the person who created this suggestion, but one must “Pray Your Feelings”. I realized that I am quick to tell God He is fabulous and thank Him for my blessings (like that new home generator). I give umpteen supplications. My list of prayers aimed at assisting others increases faster than active bunnies. I talk to God about my difficulties. I even have improved asking for God’s will to be done rather than mine, but stating my actual feelings have been obsolete.  When Bob and I were in Marriage Encounter, we learned an integral part of good communication is to emphasize our feelings rather than our spouse’s actions. That comes down to eliminating stuff like “Darn it, Bob. If I have to pick up your socks one more time . . .” A better approach might be “I feel frustrated when I see . . .” If that advice works to ease miscommunication with my sweet hubby, it surely works with God too. Try it! It has been great guidance for me and even makes me figure out my feelings better. Hey, maybe that’s what God is going for.

Enjoy your Fourth of July activities. May you all find cool shade, a nice breeze or an escape to air-conditioning. As you gather those deviled eggs and hamburger buns, pick up a band-aid or two. We might be starting a whole new social trend. Talk to God about your feelings. Explain that nervousness, shame or glee. Then watch those fireworks with lots of ooohs and ahhhhs. Don’t be a fuddy duddy and observe that sky without any enthusiasm because God has provided a life that is very good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good

       -    Handicapped parking helps us sneak into great spots to watch the sky. Life is Good!