The letters in this post may be written in swirls and circles since my head is all in a buzz. Clarity is not necessarily a given. My vertigo commenced yesterday afternoon while searching the shelves in Home Depot. My eyes tell my brain (yes I have a brain) to go in a tizzy when confronted with lots of stuff moving by me. Shopping in a store can bring problems besides Bob seeing the Visa bill. Each aisle was stuffed with lots of things hanging up on pegboards providing the shopper with multiple options. That causes me to have to search for the singular item we required. There’s a new rule: when eyes go in all directions, body goes in all directions. In fact, for each time my eyes go down, my tush goes down in a gorgeous fall. I try to shout “Ta Dah” so other shoppers can rate my gymnastic move rather than stare at me in shock.
With the vertigo at its height my hubby has been great fetching me stuff and just staying nearby. I’m pretty wimpy when the bed goes careening off in space nearly scraping the bedroom walls on the way out. I look adorable when I go upstairs as I literally plaster myself to Bob’s back as he slowly walks to the stairs. He guides my hand and later my tush to our stair chair. All of those propriocentric skills that are supposed to tell me where my body is in space are gone. I have no idea where my body should go. Although that sounds exciting with multiple positions possible, it’s pretty awkward. Even I don’t go out in public like this, even though I usually don’t mind reactions to many of my astonishing physical traits.
When that much vertigo is present, I stutter. There are tremors in the body and voice. It’s very frustrating to have such difficulty expressing my thoughts. Usually, I can settle things down and talk without disruption to my daughter, but that surely wasn’t so these last few days. It took me 26 minutes just to say, “Hi Stephanie!”
We finally got rid of the dumpster in our driveway. The Vietnam Veterans came and got a lot of stuff that had been hidden away for too much money. I even gave away my first wedding dress and a Barbie limo.
Our evening devotion book has many thoughts requiring our minds to ponder. The first day was the requirement to pick our own attitude. That’s a topic we have all heard multiple times, we just don’t do it often enough. It’s so much easier to whine and moan rather than smile when the old body aches. Then our devotion emphasized that we had to do something not just in serving the Lord. We instead need to do things to get to know the Lord better. Studying the Bible shouldn’t be ignored just so we can be working away helping others. It’s that whole Mary and Martha stuff. (I heard a joke saying Martha hid in the kitchen because she had a dorky name. My apologies to any Marthas out there.) Last night, the devotion specified the use of time. I shouldn’t compare what I can get accomplished in a half hour to what someone else who is 22 does. I should let age gently cover me without feeling ashamed or apologetic. Each age brings unique skills and abilities. This book really has my brain trying to think.
We feel so blessed that Bob liked his new doctor yesterday. She gave us a precious gift that we desperately need – the gift of hope. Both she and Bob have homework to complete prior to his next appointment, one month away. Bob has to go to two different doctors while she needs to find a vascular specialist and a group to provide us with emotional help. We both left there standing a little taller.
I have an appointment tomorrow morning with a new neurologist. I pray that I leave with similar additional hope. I’m afraid to get excited and am fighting down positive emotions for I have been thrilled so many times only to have me crashed to the ground. Bob and I were positive that Mayo would provide some answers. We were wrong in many ways. I like the yoga and know I should be accomplishing more exercises, even though I am a triathlete. It’s so much easier to make exercise excuses than to get my booty in motion. Mayo’s “cum by ya” dreams of relaxation covering us in a cloud so we could float through life isn’t making it.
Tomorrow also has us looking to the future. We get to pick out our carpeting for the basement and the type of ceiling tiles to be installed. We’ll also be choosing the color of stain for our backyard gazebo. I have the appointment with that neurologist who I pray can come up with something so I won’t be confused as that fat, drunk turtle I wrote about last week. Prayers of any size are appreciated. You’ll find out more tomorrow.
God Uses Chronic Pain to Show that Life is Good:
- He sure has me praying a whole bunch for lots of things. You get a direct line to talk to heaven.
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