They Should Be Illegal

They should be illegal. There I was today, proudly stretching through my yoga routine when I made the fatal error of looking in the mirror. You will never believe the horror that confronted my eyes. The yoga exercise room has a full wall of mirrors for people to examine their body positioning and make any appropriate alterations in their form. That idea sounds well in concept, however they were not with me today.

As I completed my warrior pose and looked ahead at my strong form, I was shocked at what met my eyes. I looked straight ahead into the eyes of a complete stranger. This person had arms that drooped down at least 25 inches from the skeleton. What makes it worse is that the rumpled, white flesh actually shook. It was like chalky Jell-O right before me. As I looked lower on this bulky frame, I saw rolls of blubber bounce around the waistline. Who was this stranger looking at me?

That unknown person sitting in MY chair was not I. I acknowledge that my body lacks any svelte tendencies, but the blubber that confronted me could not be clinging to me. Oh no! What has happened?

I’ve begun an important campaign urging all Americans and prayerfully all the citizens of the world-at-large to prohibit the further production of mirrors. Any mirrors currently placed inside the unknowing walls of homes, offices, motels and dance studios must immediately be destroyed. These boxes of reflections are transforming our images. I’m unsure of the process, but it must immediately be stopped!

Please help me in this vital campaign to save the world of disturbing visions. We can win this fight is we work together to rid the world of these startling images. Go forth and save the world.

Advantage of Having a Body with Chronic Pain

• You get to save the world from disturbing reflections that are in error to reality.