1 John 1:8-9

My devotion this morning from Good Morning Girls were words that we weekly say in the church service as part of our confession. As Lutherans, we don’t have private confession time in little booths to talk with a priest, but instead have public confession. I have a confession about that time.

I wonder how many times I have rattled off these words without thinking of the full implication. Is my mind with God or with the three million things I need to complete once this service has ended. I love the tradition held within these words and the awe inspiring numbers of people who have uttered these phrases, but I fear that I have too often said them without thinking about the weight they hold.

Plus, these words shouldn’t be the confession themselves but instead the explanation for their utterance. How public is the confession when everyone is stating the same words aloud. The Catholic confessional would at least get people to admit their faults and think about the errors they have made.

Besides these brief moments in a church service, I often glide over any errors that could possibly made by me. I try to bamboozle my family into believing any miscommunication, poor manners or mean spirit came from the other party. I am above that. Even in my own ponderings, I can gloss over my errors as I try to convince even myself of my complete innocence.

I stop to ponder over the number of people who have said these words while concentrating on their significance. I think of the millions of people who join me each week and look back at the many years of their use. Pretty powerful stuff rests in these two verses from 1 John. I pray that I will be able to use them with the dignity they deserve.

God Uses Chronic Pain to Prove the Life is Good:

     - I am off work so able to spend an hour or two each morning in devotion time.

www.goodmorninggirls.org

Anger + Sleep = Aneep or Sleeger

I’m still fighting this silly cold, or at least that is what we are calling it. I have achy muscles, sensitive stomach, tired body and horrid headache. It’s hard to decide if this is a cold for the symptoms are all my regular traits.

I’ve noticed that Bob and I demonstrate our bad days in different manners. Anger erupts from my poor husband as his frustration at not being able to do the things he wants or used to do with ease boils over. I sleep. It’s easier to hide from my pain and others when I slide under the covers or hunker down on a corner of the couch. Despite our dissimilar actions, we both support each other in ways that would have surprised me prior to our chronic pain. We can wallow in pain while looking up to see our life partner. Life is good! (Notice that I am not the depressed or pessimistic person in this marriage.)

I hope to someday make a children’s book using our fish and corals as the main characters. It will be a nice way to mingle both fiction and non-fiction. I’m still taking pictures; it is definitely a work in progress. I know the focus and direction at least. Book One will star Scout, our sea cucumber. Max and Erma, my clownfish, will wait for the second edition. It would be great to have a model ready for the boys’ Christmas, but I may be a little optimistic about that. I plan on just using Shutterfly to make the initial book and then let God and friends take it from there.

My dream is always to get “something” published. Items in our church newsletter don’t qualify. I would be happy with a $1 bonus, but even that may be beyond reality. So many people have told me that I should be a writer, but I’m overwhelmed on how to reach that dream. I start to feel that I have taken a first step forward when my lack of confidence knocks me over. It would be lovely for an editor to knock on my door, pleading for a copy of my blog or church newsletter in order to place these sacred pages on the doorstep of others. My luck would have me sleeping and miss the contact, Einstein would be growling his ferocious bark, and Bob would order the person off our property. I’ll have to work on that approach a wee bit more.

I am continually amazed at the number of page views found on my blog. How in the world could there now be over 3,500? I even have it marked not to count my views so I’m not sitting here all day logging on. Now I just need to pray it’s not by 100 school marms Xeroxing copies showing appalling writing styles. Can’t you just picture them with their glasses part ways down there noses? (Note to self – my glasses currently sit at the base of my schnoz. Watch the wisecracks! Oops!)

One last kudos before I close off this rambling example of dire writing. Hurrah to the person who invented long yoga pants. Although I try to join my fellow yogis twice a week at the Y, I love to pull these stretchy pants off the closet shelf and onto my growing frame. Today I even wore them with my beloved Bears jersey. It didn’t do the Bears any good, but it temporarily hid my waistline from others.

Enjoy autumn everyone. Here in Chicagoland we are to expect rain and low 70’s for three days. That means there has to be fabulous weather somewhere else on this planet. Hopefully, it belongs to you. Just keep repeating, “Life is good.”

God Uses Chronic Pain to Show Life is Good:

It lets me stay home from work to help out the man of my dreams.

The Birds and the Bees and the MRI

It was kind of a weird day around our residence as Bob and I fought off a case of a cold, allergies, boredom or self-pity. Thank goodness for my Good Morning Girls or I might still be rolling around in my bed. It’s one of those days when I don’t feel good, but I don’t really feel bad either.

We went to the hospital for Bob to have his scheduled MRI. It hopefully will prove that he has a brain. According to the doctors, they will use the results to help determine how best to aid his battle in maintaining his figure and his memory. The whole idea is eerie when you realize people are examining your brain’s ability to work. I had many of the same tests when the origins of my migraines and vertigo were trying to be obtained up at Mayo. I feared that I had bombed the one memory test, but I had actually done quite well “for a woman of my age.” I’m still a little unsure about the qualifier, but the psychologist was smiling when she said it. Facing our limitations and faults is not an easy task. Along with an ok memory “for a woman my age,” God gave me a healthy dose of vanity and a strong defensive attitude. Bob and I will work through any physical or mental problem thrown at us; we’ve been doing that for a while now. It’s just really hard to see the person you love so much be the victim of all the tests. It’s just one more discussion topic I’ll bring up with God tonight.

One of the remarkable aspects of today occurred when we made it home. As I walked by our largest saltwater tank, I noticed that the pair of black clowns had been listening to the birds and the bees while we were gone. They had just begun the process of procreation. That’s a long word for a romantic escapade. Mama Fishy was in labor, and Daddy Fishy was just swimming around going crazy. How fascinating to watch the female lay eggs while the male followed spreading sperm over the small fry. You could see the size of the “nursery” for the orange eggs grow while the two fish frenzied to complete what they had begun. Their fins were wiggling faster than my head spins. The process was long, taking more than an hour. It was amazing to see their large carpet anemone pull back to allow room for the fresh caviar while curling up when any fish dared to swim too closely. I was able to capture a great deal on my phone’s camera as I marveled at nature’s power. It just showed God’s presence in our family room as we dealt with our own medical worries.

Papa Fishy is now babysitting the eggs. He swishes his cute little tail and blows on his babies to keep them aerated. Mama Fishy is resting so unlike many of the mommas in real life. Their family structure is a little different than mine, but God’s hand is obvious in both our homes. They’ll soon take turns watching the kids, united in their efforts. I guess they sound more like Bob and I than I first realized.

God Uses Chronic Pain to Prove Life is Good: - My slower mobility has me notice God’s handiwork in more things around me. Thanks God for giving me a life that is so very good. By the way God, I have a couple of things I want to talk to you about.

Welcome Good Morning Girls

I begin this post with a synopsis of Janet Jabbers for people who have not had the “experience” of reading my thoughts. I’m in a new, virtual Bible study where we have been asked to share our blogs with others. So, if you have been tuning in for a while, you can skip through this intro.

My daughter recently asked if I wanted to join her in a virtual Bible study that she had done the previous year. As a mother of two toddlers, I continue to be amazed at her time for various Bible studies and Christian women’s groups. Once I heard about Good Morning Girls, I was anxious and proud to participate. I bragged about the opportunity to try something new as I strengthened my Biblical knowledge. I was honored that my daughter wanted to include me in such a program although I laughed at the title for my trepidation of anything before noon is well known to all who know me. My excitement flowed through my actions and words. I got a special notebook to “SOAP” and sent emails to friends to share this new way to have a group. I wanted to try sharing on a computer and actually felt somewhat trendy as I counted down the days to begin.

Although I had heard the benefits of reading small increments of the Bible, I had never had a study where I daily went verse by verse. I was always the one who would read the whole Bible or at least one book at a time. I assumed the strength of such an approach would largely be for memorization, something I was negligent in doing. It’s hard to slow my enthusiasm down once I hear or experience an idea that I liked.

God has been working in my life to slow me down for quite some time. I currently am on short-term disability for an amalgam of conditions. I’ve consistently searched for reasons and applications for my new way of life. This blog initially began as a synopsis of my treatment up at Mayo Clinic. It was a fast, once again that fast word, way to share with others an update on my life. I was blessed with so many others in my life who cared about me. I had an inner burning, not heartburn mind you, to try to make others understand chronic pain and the mindboggling impact it has on life. I needed to let others experience the symptoms so they could better understand it. Knowledge breeds empathy. This site slowly evolved into a positive outlook on my life. I end each posting with a way God uses my chronic pain to prove that life is good. It has become my trademark. Surprisingly, these wonderful applications are not difficult to find. Life IS good thanks to the love of Jesus Christ.

As I write down this background, even I am amazed at my “need for speed.” I even began by encouraging others to zip through my own vital words. Good Morning Girls, this virtual Bible study is an effort for women across the country to begin the day thinking of God. The site states it far better than I:

This is a place of grace – college students, nursing moms, working moms, homeschooling moms, room moms, grandma’s caring for their grandchildren or ailing parents, and women from all walks of life are here! We women are busy and doers! We need this time – but this needs to be a time of peace – NO pressure - do what time allows.

So far this week, our focus has been on 1 John 1:1-3. John writes of his personal witnessing of Jesus and our need to proclaim this news to others. Believe it our not, proclaiming has always been awkward for me. I associate the word with evangelizing, walking through the neighborhood with my Bible in hand to tell others of their need to know Jesus. When I checked the word in the dictionary though I found the meaning to include more than standing on a soapbox. It also meant to make something clear. I was an example of a Christian; my life should try to reflect these beliefs.

Through a God Winked “coincidence,” on Monday I also went for the first time to a meeting of WISP, Women in Search of Peace. This group gathers females, thus the word “women,” of all religions together to lovingly share our faiths together. Muslims, Mormons, Lutherans and Catholics gathered with me that night in two hours of talking, laughing and learning. The more time we spend with those who might not share our views, the more we find that we have more alike than different. Hey! As I edit this blog, I see this matches with my site’s purpose. It’s the need to let others experience my life so they can positively understand it.

One participant shared words with this basic idea. “God has cut different religions so we may learn of God’s power in our own different ways.” Wow! What a strong parallel with Good Morning Girls. I am experiencing fellowship with a group of women previously not in my circle in the efforts to learn more about God and work for peace within us. What a strong mission! Life is good!

God Uses Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:
- I am forced to slow down my frantic pace to find what is really important in life.

Looking for a Flying Star

We made it home safe and sound after ten days out east. Our days were busy as I tried my best to jam pack as many memories as I could into ten days.

Chris tried to find unique places for Bob to eat, and I think he succeeded plus some. One local sandwich shop specialized in the Thanksgiving Dinner sandwich. It comes complete with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and cranberries on a thick roll with gravy available for dipping. The two also ate a Crazy Burger. Instead of a bun, a Krispy Cream doughnut is sliced and grilled. Add cheese and bacon to the cardiologist card and you get this culinary delight. I wanted a salad.

Speaking of fatty foods, ham comes to mind. That is a word that undoubtedly describes my youngest grandson. He is unable to be disciplined by grandparents because he makes us laugh – and he knows it. His antics should be part of daily YouTube videos that quickly would go viral. No child can roll his eyes or swish his tail feathers any better.

My favorite memory was Thursday evening. Christopher had duty meaning he worked from 6:00 AM Thursday morning to 5:00 PM Friday night. Stephanie had a Thirty-one party that evening, so we got the kids. Bob made popcorn that we all ate in the family room while watching TV. Bob and I got to experience Jake and some pirates. The best memory of the entire trip was later that night. Both boys went to bed while I laid on their bedroom floor. We started the sleep-in by reading our books. When their bedroom light clicked off, Ollie was asleep but Teddy wasn’t ready for the evening to end. So I laid there and told a story of two wonderful boys coincidentally named Ollie and Teddy who went fishing with their Dad and Poppy. Magical fish granted them each a wish. My strange creative juices were flowing while Teddy giggled as he helped add to the tale.

On the last Friday there, we went for lunch right on a Connecticut wharf. Bob loved watching the fishing boats coming into the docks while the boys loved the trains whizzing by. Seating was only outside, but the cooler weather seemed to fit in the New England atmosphere. Life is good. That night, we managed to also attend the Big E – the state fair for six of the New England states. There were lots of animals to pet: goats, llamas, horses, pigs and chicks. Teddy got to even milk a fake cow, go on two rides, and pick one of those plastic ducks that swim in a small tin circle. While at the fair, I should have counted the number of times “fried” appeared on concession trailers. Some of the more unique fried foods were Oreos, jelly beans, Kool-Aid and get this, butterballs. Yuck! The fun of a fair was definitely in the air with colored lights from stands and rides.

On the way to the car, Teddy noticed a “flying star”. I didn’t quite understand what he meant until I trusted him and looked up. A plane was flying low in the night sky. Those twinkling lights were perfect for making a wish. I will be looking up a lot now.

I can’t help fearing that my disability negatively impacts my role as Nanny. Although Stephanie strongly disagrees, my persistent goal is always to improve for my boys. My disabled and bent body quickly tires when little boys want to wrestle and climb. My slow pace prevents long walks in parks. However, plop me on the floor in a darkened room and let my mouth loose. I can talk. I can tell tales. I can make little boys the heroes of homemade stories. Life is good.

In the past, Teddy has had a tough time saying goodbye to Nanny. While at the Big E, cash quickly disappears for a small family. I showed Teddy my empty wallet. The next morning, I provided two very reasonable reasons to return to my home. Nanny needed to check on Einstein and get money. I later heard him confide to his Mom my dire traits and need to hurry home and find money.

The trip was what I needed. I love that family more than I ever dreamed feasible. I would do anything to insure their health and happiness. I thank God that we were able to visit their home to show them the definition of unconditional love.

God Uses Chronic Pain to Help Prove Life is Good:
- Our trip to paradise (no, change that to pair a grandsons) is not limited to vacation days from work. We can experience “Life is Good” 365 days a year.

Fastest Time to the Roof

My head finally won. The pace of two darling toddlers is a wee bit faster than what we have at home. Both boys sometimes crave the attention as badly as I do. Having only one daughter, I’m thoroughly enjoying the interaction of two little guys close in age. My parenting was much different in some ways because of this. Stephanie does a fabulous job.

Ollie, all of 21 months, is my climber. These feats amuse me all the more since my own blonde offspring was also part goat. Ollie prefers the view from the top of the kitchen table. He hasn’t yet discovered the passage to the roof, but I feel assured such antics are coming this way. That goofy grin of accomplishment demands giggles from any adult viewer.

Teddy, the elder brother, will be four in December. Teddy ponders problems to a greater extent. I imagine that he will fashion the exact path to the roof for Ollie to scamper. His comments, questions and worries should be compiled so they may be treasured at a distant date.

They love rough housing. Teddy could be having a serious discussion with me, stating his one and only knock-knock joke when Ollie, with a basket over his head runs full-steam ahead to tackle his older sibling. Loud screams of enthusiasm are soon heard as the two entertain themselves and anyone watching.

Anyway, yesterday was a busy time. We were eating a scrumptious dinner. I was trying to talk with both boys while answering Bob’s questions of future fishing expeditions. When my head swivels, my brain decides it’s time to tackle. The pressure on both of my temples finally imploded. The pain is spectacular when this happens. (The discomfort is unfortunately not unique to just Connecticut.) We had just finished dinner, and I thought that I calmly left the table without disrupting the evening for everyone else. I hoped to sneak upstairs, but I hadn’t considered my little shadow who lovingly stays within 2.189 inches from my side. I made it as far as the landing on the stairs before it felt like my head was totally exploding. Cold bars of pain shot from the top of my head in a psychedelic deluge. I wanted to scream! My vision turned very blurry while my vertigo slammed me against the wall. Soon the torrent of tinnitus screamed its entrance. My mask of peace and comfort flew off my face as I tried to hide my tears from my Teddy. His mom was soon gently at my side, providing me with some of the relief I needed. She always has been excellent at knowing my pain level and possible ways to lessen the blow. Her calm voice and gentle attention helped ease the pain.

After medication and quiet seclusion, my maternal calling to see the boys overrode my discomfort. It’s now about 24 hours later and my temples are still quickly vibrating. There is a cold barbed rod jammed up my back to my cerebellum. In other words, I still feel cruddy. My brain is even more fuzzled than normal. That’s hard to fathom; I know.

My daily devotional from a chronic pain site was perfect for me today. God surely winked at me. It stated how despite my agony, God is with me. Even when words can’t form a complete thought, God knows my prayers and can clearly decipher my pleas.

I can hear certain readers thinking that I am once again trying to join on the pity parade. They assume I want the sympathy. Oh well! They obviously don’t have chronic pain.

I got up early thanks to little fingers shaking my frame and even babysat them alone while my daughter once again started her busy schedule. It was fantastic. Stephanie took this time to attend a lengthy Bible study at a local church. A free nursery is provided, but I wasn’t about to give up any time with my toddlers. She came home to make lunch complete with her homemade apple butter and strawberry jam. Then she was off and about for her weekly bell practice at her own church home. God is firmly implanted in her heart and the Holy Spirit has completely encased her home. My grandsons know Jesus loves them.

My chronic pain gives me opportunities to visit the kids and witness their home. I am sometimes on the giving side of this relationship providing free babysitting and storytelling. More often, I am on the receiving side of support. I am blessed with a family who loves and supports me. Life is good.

Chronic Pain Can Prove Life is Good:
- Survival of horrid headaches reminds me that I really can be tough.

Grab Life (and Chocolate) with Gusto

Bob and I are in the middle of a ten-day stay out with my daughter’s family. A large emphasis is obviously with the two best grandsons in the whole wide world. Don’t try to convince me that I am exaggerating because my mind is made up.

I learn new things about my boys and all little tykes each time I get the opportunity to visit with them. When Ollie eats a doughnut (with sprinkles), he attacks it – literally. The head goes down and the chocolate goes in. His philosophy is why wait and just get a little chocolate at a time. Grab with gusto the things you love most in life.

Teddy loves stickers. He has a special tablet with crayons, paper and you guessed it, stickers inside. It’s great for quiet time in church. He writes or draws, then immediately goes for the stickers. He’s not stifled into using just one sticker per page. Instead, he’ll layer sticker on sticker on sticker. Why limit sticker usage? If you have them, use them.

I’ve always been more in the philosophy of save the good stuff until later. I have “good” dishes in the dining room that are pulled out a couple of times per year. My “good” jewelry is saved for holidays, surely not a trip to the grocery store. Even a “good” bottle of wine has to be for special company, not a mere Thursday night with Bob.

I’m going home and get out that bottle of wine. I’m going upstairs to get my better jewelry and then order pizza that we will eat on our good china. After all, life is short, but it surely is good.

God’s Lesson Using Chronic Pain to Show that Life is Good:
- Longer grandkid visits in September help push me outside of the box. Go with gusto because life is good.