I Think that was Toto

Today has been quite a day in out household. We were unable to go to church for a couple of reasons. Bob was suffering from pains and aches. His walking was less than ideal. Basically, our two-year old grandson Ollie could have knocked him down using his pointer finger. Well maybe Ollie would have needed two fingers, but even so you get the main idea. My brain, yes I do claim that I possess at least a small one, was floating around the ceilings of my home. This condition had my walking, well, let’s just say unusual at best. Bob softened one of my falls with a quick grab, but I still landed pretty hard on my tush. Good things that I have lots of padding.

Our highlight of the day was probably earlier this evening. Bob was heading upstairs but offered to help clean up some prior to hitting the mattress. I stood up but realized that may not be a superior idea. Things were flying around faster than Toto in Kansas. So, I crawled into kitchen. I have found that it is not so far of a fall if I am already down on my knees. Of course my head occasionally bangs into walls, but I get used to that. Now picture Bob in our wonderful new kitchen moving slower than a slug in quicksand. I was crawling in the kitchen, trying to avoid our bar stools that kept jumping right in front of me.

It was at that point that my silly husband could see the hopeless nature of our current physical health. He worried some state official could come knocking on our doors worried that we were not getting sufficient care. I was not fazed for I knew it would take us too long to get to the front door and they would have long left.

We’re really getting along ok. We pretty much know what we are able to do and when we are able to do it. I made a pretty good supper that even entailed searing and simmering. That beats a frozen pizza.

This is our life for right now. I’ve been blessed with the perfect husband. We each are able to have the right amount of empathy for each other as well as the right honesty when the other needs a good shaking.  

The purpose of this blog originally was to share my strong faith in God. It later switched to a tell-all about Mayo for friends at home who were worried about me. I then wanted to describe a life with chronic pain for those who really couldn’t grasp the whole idea. Lately it seems that I have been bouncing around through all of those legitimate bases.

I think I am trying to have other people understand my chronic pain but not fear it. This is my life. Everyone has some hurdles; I just go under them instead of over or around. Bob’s health issues have twisted some of our plans, but it all works out. We both understand the other’s emotional status and physical hardships. We are trying to learn how to cope, but feel lucky that we have a God who listens, understands and surrounds us with love. Bob sometimes worries that His caring nature is slipping, but I rest assured of God’s presence.

So please read on at future dates to find out more about our life. It isn’t anything that extraordinary, but it shows God’s eternal love for us. It hopefully might even bring about a smile or two. My life is just proof that despite it all and gratefully because of it all, life is very good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

      -  While I am crawling around on the floor, I can pick up all those things that earlier fell and I ignored because I avoid bending so I don’t fall. See, life is very good!

Sorry for the Snow

I made a very fatal error yesterday as my fluctuating hormones had run amuck and I was experiencing the pity party of the year. My narcissistic self imagined the world revolving around me, ready to come on the run to save the day. I wondered and pondered and questioned and bribed and then wondered some more. My delay in surgery could have been a sign. God was talking to me. I should maybe further delay or even cancel my appointment with the scalpel. Was I really in that much pain that I should put this device inside me? God, give me sign. I need you God. What should I do?

Then came today. Winter came complete with the barometer dancing around and the snow reminding us that it really is January. I ached. My hips burned with the ferocity of my glowing fireplace. Each step brought a reminder that I was a goofball to wonder and ponder and question and bribe and wonder some more. I didn’t just wake up and feel the urge to check into the hospital for the sexy sleeping apparel and quiet, peaceful atmosphere. Multiple doctors agreed that this device needed to find a home in me. Knock it off Janet. You need this surgery.

So my advice to you is to be careful what you ask God. Sometimes signs come with a might ker plunk. With this change in temperature and drop in barometer, God was pretty easy to understand, even for me. I do feel guilty that I brought about all this snow for the Chicagoland area. I hope your commute wasn’t too  bad.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

     -  Even with my direct line to God, He still sends me signs that echo throughout the suburbs and beyond.

I'm a Pigeon

It’s a sunny, winter day, and I sit on the couch with one of my favorite snuggly blankets. I’ve got on a big gray hoodies with a pair of exercise pants ready to take off for yoga in another couple of hours. My hair is still damp from the shower, my nails are all cut and I am trying to have that go-get-them attitude that will help get me through this day. I look the part of a “yogi” (not the bear) more now than when I am trying to bend and move my body in awkward forms. I did learn the “pigeon” on Monday and wonder what special moves await me. For a good laugh, picture me in a pose entitled pigeon. You will be giggling for a good day or two.

I heard from my doctor’s office a couple of hours ago that my surgery scheduled for tomorrow now must be postponed until next Thursday. A man was just admitted who has a large brain tumor and needs surgery pretty quickly. The receptionist who gave me this news was almost apologetic in tone and asked me if this was ok. Could you imagine me saying, “Yes, I mind!” to a situation like this? “No, that man has to wait his turn. I was here first!” This is the third date for this procedure and perhaps three will be a lucky number for me.

I’m somewhat out of sorts for this operation. (I can officially call this an operation and not just a procedure this time! That scares me on how the bill will look. I’m almost surprised we don’t have the bill yet. They are usually pretty speedy at that!) It’s hard to wait. I originally thought this could all be completed in December. My gift of patience is apparent on the outside but has deep fissures on the inside. Inserting a neurostimulator is an elective process in the hopes that my pain can be somewhat controlled. Each time I wonder if this new device is really a requirement for my life, the pain level shoots up and I barely hobble across the floor. My stay in the hospital is a good thing for then I have no other jobs pressing to get finished. The food is actually pretty good and I get full ownership of the TV remote. I can just lay there and contently watch others take care of me. This surgeon was the one who operated on Bob after his big fall three years ago, and I have the utmost respect for the man. So, what’s up? Why am I more emotional now? What is bothering me? Why is this so hard? It’s not like I have never had an operation. Glory be; I’m on a first name basis with most of the hospital employees. I don’t like my body as pain clamps onto my limbs, yet I’ve had this pain for so long that I am somewhat accustomed to it.

I gave a pretty detailed description of my current status in the first paragraph of this blog. After all, do you really care that I am wearing a hoodies and have finally washed my hair. I left out a key part. Tears are slowly streaming down my cheeks. I’ve created this special little place in my heart where I go when the pain is horrid. As silly as it sounds, it is a very safe place for me. I can hide from the world as I clutch my legs and curl in a ball – a big ball mind you – and hide within myself.

This neurostimulator will not get rid of my pain. This is another proclamation similar to my words after my stay up at Mayo. This is instead a way for me to help control the pain and keep the deep hurts an arm length away. I hope they provide me with three remotes for ours for the TV is always getting lost.

So, I’ll go on with my life with a goofy smile affixed my face. I thank you for all the prayers. They are definitely helping right now.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

     -  Could God be teaching me a little patience?

My Hamster Wheel

It’s another typical Sunday evening with little happening in our home. My hubby made a great dinner of small meatloaves, easier to manage on my goal to lose some weight. (I’m hoping to drop 50 pounds by the time my eight boxes of Girl Scout cookies arrive next month.) Bob and I both have taken turns this weekend by heading to our bed in the hopes of eliminating, or at least reducing, some of our pain. Bob is sore from hard work in the garage for his buff body isn’t used to such exercise. We hope to get it organized before the boys graduate from college. My pain is my head. The migraine is up to the “hate the light, hate the noise” stage. Aren’t we a barrel of fun?

This repeated scenario frustrates us both since once again we were unable to attend church services despite our best-laid plans. Watching Bob attempt to walk three steps made it pretty apparent that he wasn’t going anywhere today. My headache always worsens after attending a church service, and I couldn’t fathom the pain increasing any more. Instead I went to a Personnel Committee meeting figuring at least I could serve our congregation. I don’t know how to partake in the actual worship services. Our organ is fabulous, but the strong resonance of the music echoes inside my skull. (Please no wisecracks about my empty head!) Bob had me try Boss headphones, but they made it worse by developing a vacuum in each ear. (Since I lack homemaking skills, I need no vacuums within 321 feet of me let alone inside me.) I’ve developed a private place to listen to the service, but countless people come up to check on me or let me in on friendly chatter. Either one surely interrupts my worship. Bob feels he needs to stay with him, but then he gets no value from the service either. Woe is I. (I wanted to type ‘woe is me’ but my computer’s spell-check wouldn’t let me.)

My procedure is slated for Thursday and my body is beginning to clench and cramp in anticipation. I normally am not bothered by surgeries, but I am not looking forward to the whole cutting a piece out of my bone. I know my job is only to sleep and an anesthesia will help out on that. My task should only be to wash my body with this weird soap and use no lotions. I also can’t use deodorant from now to then so you might not want to come visit me.

So you my lucky readers have three tasks. Aren’t you the lucky reader?

1.    Provide relief for chronic pain. This probably will even lead to big bucks for you, so your time will be rewarded if you figure this out.

2.     Develop a bubble of some sort that allows me to partake in worship services. I envision a large hamster ball that won’t be noticeable to the rest of the congregation. I will let you experience it on some large hill if you are successful. A shopping experience or retail therapy in the mall could be very interesting.

3.     Say some prayers!

I hope you all have a great week. Talk, or rather write, to you later.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Spread the Word that Life is Good:

     -  The word will really spread if the world sees me in some big hamster ball while shopping for my grandsons.

I am Blessed and Life is Good

Another day passes, but the weather was perfect. It made me get out of my home and do a few errands. I had little luck, but I surely enjoyed the sunshine.

This has been another rough week for me health wise, but a great week for my friendships and marriage. My migraine continues to pound so much that I don’t like to take a shower or brush my hair. The mere touch is horrid. (I am using deodorant, so there is no reason to cover your face.) This of course sets off the vertigo. I have fallen so much in the kitchen that Bob suggested that we just eat dinner on the floor. (I probably would if the floor wasn’t so cold.) My hubby is always there for me. I am blessed. We have even managed a technique to help each other stand. It’s called brute strength.

My daughter notices that as the pain increases, I decrease my attendance at my yoga class. It’s a nasty spiral and requires me to make the correction. She is my KIB (kick in butt person at my request.) I’m sure I will get a phone call Monday about 1:00. So you can also start getting me going on Monday. The class starts at 1:30. I have a family that deeply loves and cares for me.  I am blessed and life is good.

Another great friend called to see how she could help us. This is not a new request. She has seen me at my best and right there at my worst. She’s done about everything around here from making meals, washing floors, changing bandages and doing laundry. She helped box up my kitchen and is coming to help put away the Christmas decoration. I have people who care about me. I am blessed and life is good.

I also got notice of my online Bible study beginning a week from Monday. I have written various friends and am pleased to say that there will be ten of us helping each other better understand the book of Ephesians. I love that book. My blog on Wednesdays will then be devoted to this Bible study and my Christian steps along the way. I have ways to keep my heart centered on Christ. I am blessed and life is good.

The cleaning lady comes tomorrow and her day will be much different. She is not going to clean, but instead help me put away the Christmas decorations. I kind of like seeing them up. They bring along a sense of serenity and peace. I am fortunate to have the resources to pay someone to come over and help me and ever so blessed to have this many Christmas items.  I am blessed and life is good.

It’s funny but I had a dear friend who truly knows all my fears and delights. She helped me during a time that I was feeling my lowest. She now is having some health concerns in her family. She asked how I managed to cope so well when the world seems to be spinning out of control. First off, I never realized that I cope so well. I do notice that most things don’t seem to bother me too much anymore. It just isn’t worth it! Later as I truly thought about her question, I found that I cope thanks to all these ways that were my topics in today’s blog: my family, friends, spiritual life and many resources.  I am blessed and life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

     -  I see my wonderful support system each time I whirl around with my head spinning. I am blessed and life is good.

Recycled Cards

I want to share an idea with you that I have done off and on for quiet a few years. It is not original; I am not that clever, instead I got it online from the spouse of a well-known evangelist preacher. I think it might be Ruth Graham, but those who know be know better than to trust my skill at remembering names.

Hopefully you still have your Christmas cards that arrived for the 2011 holiday. Each year, I get fewer and fewer cards as people try to cut back wherever they might be. Almost half of these cards are photo greetings with smiling faces of family, kids or even favored pets. I have mine hung on a closet door so they catch my eye quite a few times during the day. I’m starting to hear them drop as the tape chooses to no longer stick to the door.

Anyway, gather up all the cards and take off the tape if necessary. Duh! Then place them in a basket or small brown lunch bag. Save them until the 12 days of Christmas have passed or Epiphany begins. That equals to January 7^th.  Each day, pick out one card on which to focus. You can put it on your refrigerator, but that means it might get lost within a variety of items. You can leave it out on the table to possibly get lost, re-tape it to the door if you can find the tape you used or find some special spot where you see it several times per day. I know of people who use the bathroom mirror. That might be good so you don’t have to glance at a personal reflection that is a little more honest than you need.

Now, the idea is that you pray for that person. You may know a certain trial afflicting that family or your supplications may be much more general. You can pray for each member of the family or peace for the entire group. Just keep the focus on them. At the end of the day, send off an email and say you prayed for them. To realize that someone prayed for you is an exhilarating. Then, throw away the card and start over the following day.

It’s sometimes easier when they have sent one of those letters filling you in for 2011. Pictures of the family help me focus. You might even want to send off an email the morning before to see if there are any special requests. This practice tends to soften my mood and also bring Christ to center each day. That translates to I might not be as quick to grouchy during the first half hour of the day.

Let me know how you do. I’m sure you might forget for a week or two, but you can always start back up. God is there listening to you!

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

     -  I have lots of spare time each day that can now be productively used in prayer.

Can We Just Order a Pizza?

How I treasure time like this when I can sit and be enthralled with the serenity that fills our family room during these twelve days of Christmas. We cherish our decorations that shout the birth of Jesus as we almost whisper when entering our family room aghast at the feeling of serenity in the simplicity of these four walls. How I wish I could capture this sense of peace and lavishly use it throughout the year!

We gathered at my husband’s brother’s home today to issue in the new year according to Japanese traditions. Today is called Syogatsu just in case you were keeping track and is probably the most important holiday for the Japanese.  This is the one-day when my hubby transforms all his eating to more cultural items. I remember the first year that I joined his family and met a plethora of new smells and dishes. I recognized nothing! Now I was one who didn’t even like fish, so you can imagine my facial expressions when presented with raw tuna, salmon and countless other items I couldn’t recognize let alone pronounce. My eyes were fixed upon octopus tentacles and fish heads. Yummy!

It’s so comforting for Bob to have this day with his brothers and rediscover a sense of unity and pride. He needs these bonds to help guide him through his newest path in life as a person who makes more than the national average of doctor visits. I’ve always been the optimist of the family just in case you didn’t notice. Unfortunately, Bob is stepping farther and farther from any rose colored glasses. Let me give you an example.

Two days ago, we made a trip to the ER concerned about Bob’s gross looking leg. We found out that it was cellulitis thus requiring antibiotics. A close watch was needed to insure the bumps did not continue to progress up his leg. (When you are short like my husband that is not a far trip.) When we got home, Bob explained his ordeal on Facebook with a “Why me Lord?” attitude that described his “worst case scenario.” Meanwhile, I joked about out last trip for the year, the helpful medical staff and the passed out hubby gracefully sprawled on our couch. It really didn’t sound like the same experience.

I make every effort to have that positive outlook with me each day. Sure I grumble about work to be done and bills to be paid, but I sure look cute doing it. I know that I don’t choose my pain, but I do choose my attitude so why in the tarnation would I pick to be a bigger grouch than what I already am. Gracious! With this stellar body, I surely better laugh. My creaky joints would only further rust if tears were applied.

I just finished reading the novella The Thirteenth Gift. (Why not just say short story instead of being hoity-toity with novella?) Check it out. Charlene Costanzo, the author, encourages individuals to look for the best gifts in people each day. Note the compassion you see or the imagination you discover as you go through your daily schedule. You’ll then be able to thank God for your own strength and reverence. I’m going to try each day to find one of these gifts. We’ll see how long I follow through. I’m occasionally known to have fantastic plans that don’t make it through Day 2.

My thoughts have wandered even farther than normal today, but at least I still have a thought or two left in my head. I guess God wanted me to tell you to try to look at the bright side instead of being splayed in the dark, refusing to move.  People don’t tend to look their beauty pageant best when “splayed” anywhere.

Happy New Year everyone! Find those gifts in yourselves and others.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove that Life is Good:

      -  When you have hit the bottom in the pain department, the only way to look is up!