The Cheap Seats

Tonight’s blog is more difficult for me to write, and I’m unsure why that would be. I’m seated next to my husband watching Sunday night football. We are both dazed with the Bears winning, and I mean really winning. Being fans of Chicago sport teams proves that we understand and value Christ’s unconditional love.

Although we went to church this morning, I miss attending the service of the past. You see, our church organ has large metal pipes bellowing out the notes to favorite hymns. You can feel the echo vibrating through your body. The bad news is that my head can feel the sound waves echo throughout what little bit is left of my brain. Upper scale A notes build a migraine in 2.1 milliseconds. I need to clutch onto the pew to avoid crashing to the floor as my vertigo spins my soul. Although the communion glasses look really sweet, I prefer to stay vertical when walking. There was a wonderful trumpet solo of the Lords Prayer this morning that literally had me on my knees, unfortunately it wasn’t in prayer. I try to sneak out the door before music is part of the service and eavesdrop from a chair or pew in the hall. I jokingly refer to this as balcony seats. People are quite accustomed to my revolving door worship, but I admit the service lacks continuity. People come by to chat, not realizing I want to hear what’s happening in the sanctuary. Kids are talking and being kids. Adults are catching up on the week’s happenings. I’m so darn distracted that I don’t know what is happening. Bob bought expensive Bose headphones to block out the noise. Instead, they form a vacuum that only hurts more. So much for that idea!

That kind of illustrates what my life often replicates. I’m trying to participate in life but am best, looking on from the sidelines. I’m off beat. Some people try to help me pass the time and bring all sorts of ideas on how to correct migraines, vertigo or fibromyalgia. I get names of doctors, miracle medicines and powerful procedures doing wonders in Canada. I get so caught up in all that busyness that I lose what is happening in my own life.

I’m still using yoga and meditation to help ease the pain and keep my body moving. I’m trying some new injections tomorrow to try to reduce the pain. I’ve obtained various prayer beads to help me focus my muggy mind. I know I’m living life on the fringes as I stretch to be part of the real thing. Bob is growing more worried about life’s newest twists as he longs to return to a life pre-ice and fall. He’s been a gem as we bounce from doctor to doctor, learning tidbits on brain injury. Yet we stay balancing on the sharp edges, unsure of which way we want to slide.

So, I take time expressing my prayers, fears, and delights in this silly blog. I hope to wipe away this fog that has settled around the heart of my home. There’s always tomorrow or maybe next month. Can you see the Cub fan in me? It all comes around though because I know life is good.

God Uses My Chronic Pain to Prove Life is Good:

I am reminded that many people care about us as they come talk to me in my “cheap seat” at church.