Blub, Blub, Blub

I’m thankful for so many things in my life that blessings overflow from my heart. My challenge was to daily include something ordinary that helps make my life special.

So . . .

I’m thankful for all of our fish tanks. We have multiple aquariums whose lights eerily shine from our home at night. All five are salt-water tanks filled with all sorts of creatures and fish, each with their own personalities. We can point out ones that are bashful, friendly, arrogant and more. The sizes and colors amaze the viewers.

We got our first tank back in 2007, right before Bob’s infamous fall. I know that when he had to do his less-than-fun PT exercises, he did them in front of the tanks to help keep mind over matter. We have my tank up in our bedroom. When I need to stretch out with a migraine or bothersome back, the tanks help calm the jittery nerves.

We love to show them off. People are amazed at all of the living things within the tanks. Our neighbor kids frequently come knocking at the door, begging to feed the fish. Little Ollie would love to provide a feast, so we have to hide the containers before food is flooding the tanks.

Lewy comes with more frenzy when Bob is worried and anxious. Hopefully these tanks can help calm him, which surely beats lots of colorful pills that put all sort of chemicals inside him. We all need some serenity, but Bob requires it in a totally different manner.

So, thanks God for our tanks. They help bring the serenity that we so strive for. We see some of the amazing creatures that inhabit this planet. We can look all around us and say, Life is good.

God Uses My Blog to Remind Me that Life is Good

       You don’t need a snorkel and expensive plane tickets to see the wonders of the sea. Wow! Life is good.

A First

We went out to dinner last night at a local Italian restaurant that is one of our favorites. Joining us was Bob’s entire family, all in town for our niece’s wedding. We haven’t seen Bob’s sister’s family for quite some time. This was the first time in too long that all the siblings were together. What a wonderful time to celebrate.

Toward the end of dinner, Lewy came to visit bringing with plenty of animal hallucinations. Bob stiffened in fear. He soon became rigid and unresponsive. I am used to these behaviors by now and know just to quietly whisper in his ear. This had always worked in the past to calm him. Last night was different.

He slowly was able to talk and frantically said that “they” were coming to get him. His fear was genuine. Then he looked at me and asked, “Who are you?” That’s a first and a first that I have been dreading since getting this diagnosis. I told him that I was his wife, but that did little to calm his agitation. There was no recognition in his face. I kept on talking; thank God for my gift of gab. He slowly slid back to reality.

After this, he was very tired and with a headache. That’s what happens after Lewy barges into our lives.  Bob was in a big hurry to leave and we quickly gathered our things. We soon were home and settled on our couch while the rest of his family went to their own homes or hotels.

He didn’t know who I was. A cold dagger stabbed my heart but I continued on as if not wounded. Those few minutes marked another milestone on the Lewy highway. There is an emptiness that I feel. I surprisingly didn’t cry or lock myself into seclusion for I was well aware that his recognition of me would not be consistent. It is another good-bye that caregivers for Lewy patients all have to face, but today I still feel the echo in my soul. Another part of Bob has been chipped away. I see it drifting off and there is not one thing that I can do to rescue it. Life goes on.

Yet life is good. This morning, Bob knew my darling face and our lives kept on going. Our home is secure and our daughter still loves us. My marriage to Bob is strong in part due to our stalwart faith in God. We have many blessings. A few minutes in an Italian restaurant can’t take that away. Life is good. I will make it so.

God Uses This Blog to Prove to Me

      I am forced to examine my life and remember all the wonderful blessings that continually fill each day. Life is good!

A Few More Know

Yesterday, I was the speaker for our continuing education for Stephen Ministers.

The topic was Lewy Bodies Dementia, the disease that haunts my husband’s soul. I thought it appropriate since other members of our congregation also have different sorts of dementia and someday those care givers may want a Stephen Minister. I also wanted to expand the personal knowledge of the group. Additional awareness is needed throughout our nation. Finally, I wanted to explain Bob’s condition so others might better understand his Lewy behaviors.

I didn’t cry. I’m blessed with the tendency to blubber away whether happy or sad. Just toss me a box of tissues before I go to a movie or say good-bye to loved ones. I’ve always had this characteristic and have sobbed my way through life. I expected blubbering, but my body held out. The only other time I didn’t cry when I expected to do so was when I woke up my daughter to tell her my mother had died. I feel like I have come to accept LBD and am gathering knowledge to better fight the next chapter. We have a long way to go, but we will do it together.

My body has lacked any endurance. After I gave my talk, I was pretty much zonked for the day. Today we went to early church followed by a nice breakfast. Once again, I came home just looking for my pillow. I don’t know what is going on. Bob of all people feels that I need more sleep each night. (That’s kind of amusing coming from the guy who is playing on his computer to the wee morning hours.) Anyway, I can always benefit from beauty sleep, so I will be hitting the hay much earlier this week to see if that helps.

It’s a blustery day. The wind is blowing lawn chairs throughout the neighborhood. I think I just saw a neighbor’s dog blow by the window. It was in the 70’s today and should only get to the 30’s tomorrow. That’s plain nuts. When a front goes through or the wind is blowing, it starts my Mighty Three into action. That led me into taking a nasty fall in our family room, hitting my elbow. Our rug caught my empty head, so no major damage was done to anything besides my pride. I don’t like this wobbly feeling and I like even less when it strikes hard. My padding protects me and Bob helps bounce me to a vertical position. It’s just a normal day in our home.

That was our weekend. We’re a barrel of laughs over here, but we both know things could be much worse. The northeast is still drying out and trying to make new homes from the damage. We can’t complain. Life is good,

God Uses This Blog to Prove That Life is Good

       More people know about Lewy. We will keep spreading the news.

I Love My Bed

My fabulous daughter has gently unfolded to become a fabulous mother and wife. She has created a home and family unit bursting with Christian love and values. I applaud her actions. She has some Martha Stewart in her that did not come from me. Her color-coded organization just blows my mind. My organization style is more of a “just throw it on the family room table” style. We live in the home that people love to visit because it makes them feel better about their own limited housekeeping skills.

Anyway, for November, she made a construction paper tree that hangs on the pantry door. Each day, she asks her two preschoolers to look around them and tell her something for which they are thankful. Some of the more heart-warming answers include books, windows and bugs. She writes the word and they draw a picture.

This new tradition helps imprint the real definition of Thanksgiving on all who enter her home. It’s an activity that would benefit most of us and help center our minds on our many blessings. In the last post, I briefly wrote of two people who bring joy and thanksgiving to our home. Jill and Cyndi – you are the best!

I probably should write my thanks of all of my family members. I am blessed to have a loving daughter who visibly only shakes her head in disbelief at me on an infrequent basis. Her husband and children are fabulous and always willing to help. I love that family in a manner that only grandmas are able. I have to also note my husband who provides me with support and unconditional love. Life is good.

Instead of singling out people, I wanted to look at life from a different angle. The newest thanksgiving is the disappearance of all of those political advertisements from the mail, phone and television. Hallelujah! Those are done!

My focus on this blog will be to think of more precise thanks. I’m challenging myself to think of honest answers. For example, my thanks for today go to my bed. I love my bed. We have this huge California twin bed that has Temperpedic mattresses and remotes that allow adjustments of the head and foot. When my back is hurting, I can readjust my position multiple times throughout the night without getting out of bed. My head is up when my allergies make lousy bedfellows. This allows Bob to get a reprieve from those awful coughs that would otherwise be heard in Sacramento as soon I would be horizontal. I’m between flat and up when I read my books.

When I decipher my reasons, I notice that my bed gives me comfort and a reprieve from my aches and pains. It helps my back and head by creating unique shapes that support my frame. It also brings comfort to my soul. I can be transported away in my books and dreams. My fish tank in our room allows me to meditate and become fixated on my breathing. It truly allows me to be pampered. What a wonderful way to end each day. Life of Lewy and The Mighty Three (migraines, vertigo and tinnitus) can be better ignored if at least for a short time. Yes, life is good.

God Uses This Blog to Show Me that Life is Good

        I stop my frantic brain and examine my life. Checking for the small stuff brings smiles my way. Life is good.

Cookies for Breakfast

Because of the cold and drizzly weather, my body expressed its desire to stay comatose with the blankets pulled up to my chubby ears this morning. I was awake enough with the time change. It’s pretty much of a miracle for my eyes to be open and brain cranking any hour with just a single digit.

I came downstairs to find that Einstein had more energy than I. He was observing the fabulous nutrition skills of this household. Cyndi, one of Bob’s wonderful friends from back at workdays sent this great container of Mrs. Field’s cookies for his birthday. Now that is my kind of friend. We had left the treats on the family room coffee table after waiting up past my bedtime for election results. Our brains were on voting overload. Well needless to say, Einstein felt these goodies would make a perfect breakfast treat. Luckily, I arrived at the crime scene before he could scarf down more than one small package. If it had been any more, I would have needed to be on bereavement leave.

I worry about my body behaving through these next months. I love working with Jill and don’t want to let her down. I fear that I am dragging, but as soon as I see those smiling faces, I perk right up. God sent Jill my way. She’s great with the kids and really is working hard to include me in our activities. She’ll be stuck hearing about many of my own health concerns and worries about my husband. I’m excited about the forced friendship in which I have her cornered. What a blessing to be in a loving, Christian environment.

So, I use my little stimulator to zap me through my day. Pain pills are unfortunately used more than I prefer, but without them my days would be horrid. I’m not getting much done on many of these days, but at least I have an excuse. I wouldn’t be getting anything done anyways, but I’ll pretend that my home would be otherwise immaculate with culinary delights besides those Mrs. Field’s cookies.

The clock shows it’s time to be getting ready for some beauty sleep. The beauty is not improving so I assume that I just need more practice. That sounds logical to me. Maybe I should just take up all those cookies so I could have breakfast in bed. Those yummies could just make tomorrow morning start off right.

God Uses My Blog to Remind Me that Life is Good

       I can forget about my squeaky body and focus on wonderful friends like Jill and Cyndi. Boy, life is good.

No More Political Ads

Yeah! Elections are drawing to a close tonight. I told my husband that for his birthday today, I would get him no more political ads for a while. I think that is a pretty good deal. There are a lot of us who have been craving that day.

I don’t get this whole negative campaigning going on that has filled our mailboxes and airwaves for far too long. I don’t understand how it worsens each election even though everybody I know says they don’t like it. Why does the mud slinging continue by politicians if nobody likes it?

The weather is still in the 30’s and rainy. Cool and damp are not two of my favorite forecasts. It surely doesn’t help the moods. Am I the only one who would rather hop in bed all cozy with blankets and read a good book? OK, I wouldn’t exactly hop, perhaps flop and drop would be better verbs.

Bob’s birthday is strange this year. What will the following twelve months bring to him? How will we celebrate next year? I’m trying my best to get out of my funk. With all the chronic illnesses that have invaded our home, I was used to dealing with working to maintain and possibly even improve our health. I’m not used to dealing with trying to slow that downward slide.

I think that last sentence pretty much sums up my emotions lately for my funk has lingered far too long. I’ve past the acceptance stage and am working on the education process, but I’m caught here with the future ready to squish me as it goes by. (And squishing the size of me is a pretty big deal.) Please let me know all of your brilliant, failsafe techniques for kicking that ball right over that hill.

Today, I think a better ending for this blog is:

God Uses My Blog to Prove to Me that Life is Good

                I must live for the moment while I look around me and see my many blessings. Life is good.

A Morning - No, an Evening - Discussion

There are many directions that this blog could take today. After spending some quality time with the grandsons, daughter and son-in-law, I always have plenty of options for this blog to take. The one that hits me the strongest is the church service we attended to start our day.

Stephanie’s church is large and friendly with many features that reach out and welcome strangers. There is actually a team of people to assist in the parking lot. They cover everything from pointing to empty parking slots and holding open umbrellas over those people dropped off at the door. Those are really simple things but important for starting out with a great welcome.

I noticed in the bulletin plenty of interesting things coming up in the next few weeks. Listed were the Bible studies, two different weekends to ring bells for Salvation Army, making Advent jars for the family and more. I like that they have small key chains available that list the church and pastors’ phone numbers in case you are involved in a situation that needs a more direct path to God. If you have an emergency, you have the phone numbers right in hand – literally.

I was very touched by the way this church celebrates the Eucharist. People go up for intinction and then have the opportunity to head back to the seats, kneel for some talking time to God, or join the pastor and some prayer team members for a blessing and prayer. People go at their own rate without having any pressure to speed it up. Both Bob and I kneeled at different spots and had our own dialogues with Jesus. I had to admit that my cover as a devoted Christian was a little off kilter. I believe in Jesus, that hasn’t wavered a bit, but I sure base my calendar on what I want to do, where I want to go, and when I will get there. I pretend to be the big prayer expert when I don’t always base my life in that direction. I haven’t been consistently going to God asking his opinion on how I spend my day: I give a fast this is my plan and then I’m out the door. My best is the inclusion of “I hope you like it God!” I can’t even blame it on a need to rush for an early appointment for I have plenty of mornings when I crawl down the steps and plop open the computer.

I’ve taken communion for about 40 years now, but this particular opportunity touched my soul in a special way as it cradled my thoughts in honesty. I’m not preparing a major switch in my actions, but hopefully you might see a more tender side of my actions. We’ll see what God says tomorrow morning. (A more accurate statement would read what God says tonight about tomorrow, for God knows he sure didn’t mold a morning person here!) Life is good. That’s how the conversation will start.

God Uses This Blog to Prove that Life is Good

        Talk about a great church service might just encourage someone to attend a place of worship. Aaaah. Life is good.