A First

We went out to dinner last night at a local Italian restaurant that is one of our favorites. Joining us was Bob’s entire family, all in town for our niece’s wedding. We haven’t seen Bob’s sister’s family for quite some time. This was the first time in too long that all the siblings were together. What a wonderful time to celebrate.

Toward the end of dinner, Lewy came to visit bringing with plenty of animal hallucinations. Bob stiffened in fear. He soon became rigid and unresponsive. I am used to these behaviors by now and know just to quietly whisper in his ear. This had always worked in the past to calm him. Last night was different.

He slowly was able to talk and frantically said that “they” were coming to get him. His fear was genuine. Then he looked at me and asked, “Who are you?” That’s a first and a first that I have been dreading since getting this diagnosis. I told him that I was his wife, but that did little to calm his agitation. There was no recognition in his face. I kept on talking; thank God for my gift of gab. He slowly slid back to reality.

After this, he was very tired and with a headache. That’s what happens after Lewy barges into our lives.  Bob was in a big hurry to leave and we quickly gathered our things. We soon were home and settled on our couch while the rest of his family went to their own homes or hotels.

He didn’t know who I was. A cold dagger stabbed my heart but I continued on as if not wounded. Those few minutes marked another milestone on the Lewy highway. There is an emptiness that I feel. I surprisingly didn’t cry or lock myself into seclusion for I was well aware that his recognition of me would not be consistent. It is another good-bye that caregivers for Lewy patients all have to face, but today I still feel the echo in my soul. Another part of Bob has been chipped away. I see it drifting off and there is not one thing that I can do to rescue it. Life goes on.

Yet life is good. This morning, Bob knew my darling face and our lives kept on going. Our home is secure and our daughter still loves us. My marriage to Bob is strong in part due to our stalwart faith in God. We have many blessings. A few minutes in an Italian restaurant can’t take that away. Life is good. I will make it so.

God Uses This Blog to Prove to Me

      I am forced to examine my life and remember all the wonderful blessings that continually fill each day. Life is good!