A Hard Morning with Lewy

Lewy came to church today. Bob didn’t say anything at the time but I know the frozen stare that comes with this strange disease. He glares off in the distance while his muscle tone tightens his frame. It didn’t last very long this time; the duration varies immensely, yet the threat of Lewy’s arrival complicates our actions.

We’ve been home for a bit by now, but I still see his frozen face etched into my mind. I can’t help wondering why God has brought this stage into our lives. Change that last line to why God has allowed Lewy to still reside in Bob’s soul. God has provided good doctors and loving friends but that isn’t enough. I want an exorcism of some kind to remove Lewy totally and completely.

Lewy is always with us. We can pretend to ignore its existence only to have Lewy pounce on our lives. Its threat has me always driving. That’s a small concession yet it is a major change in our routines. Like most families, the male usually takes the keys. I don’t mind the driving, but I shudder when I realize why I’m now in the driver’s seat. I watch him at the stove or when he ventures out with Einstein.

The hallucinations are getting larger and more frequent. The somewhat cute little fuzzies are being replaced with larger creatures with scarier faces. They fit right in the Halloween decorations, but I would pay anything to get them out of his head. It’s difficult to have a nice dinner when a monster struts closer, ready to pounce.

A lot of Lewy is why. I was never one to question God: I always felt a tinge of irreverence when doubting the Lord. A debilitating disease changes that worry. I now beg God to let my Bob come back full time versus periods of lucidity and confusion swirled together. It’s often me that wants to hover over my darling to protect him from the falls and wandering gait. I just don’t know how.

Bob is resting now. I know the doctors forbid daytime naps, but his body is so fatigued after being so tense throughout the morning. He’ll arise soon and place on his mask that things are normal. I’m proud of his efforts but silently sob with his need to be strong. Go away Lewy. Leave us alone! Life is so good, why are you trying to take that from us! Please help us God!

God Uses Our Love to Prove that Life is Good

           Lewy comes to visit, but I stand guard of my husband. He won’t fight this alone.