Where is the Camera?

Day two at Mayo was quite an experience. There were tears, giggles and hugs. Most importantly, there was sincere concern and love radiating from the halls. The Holy Spirit gently hovers and is silently waiting for any hearts that call.

All of the handicapped parking spots were full this morning, so I drove to the attached parking garage. At $12 per day, I wanted to avoid them. (I got a multi-day card that fortunately reduced that amount to about what I paid when I filled up my vehicle. Yee-Haw!) I wonder who designs these architectural monstrosities. You go up and down and way out of your way to turn and almost backtrack what you just drove. It was the first time today that I almost felt like I was being filmed to look at my reactions when facing drivers who accidentally drive the wrong direction or fight for a rare opening.

I checked in and saw my new friend. Neighbor and I have bonded through many similarities. We both have a strong faith, loving husband, love of books and chronic pain. Prayers are flowing! We are starting to be pushed to our upper limits. We’re cheerleaders for each other, but we don’t wear those cutesy little uniforms.

My first task was to complete a survey. It had 240 questions such as “I am not irritable very often.” Then people need to circle strongly disagree, disagree, neutral, agree and strongly agree. The lines are single spaced by a person with excellent eyesight for the font is smaller than these old eyes are used to. You mark a scantron sheet with itsy-bitsy bubbles. It didn’t take long for the vertigo to come on strong. My eyes needed to go back and forth between two sheets and then occasionally glance upward to further directions or comments from friends. I was sure I had to be filmed, but once again could not see any hidden cameras. I finally gave up and requested a piece of paper to just write the answer. You should see my writing though at the end. I could no longer request students to write neater.

After at least 354 hours of struggling over this, a doctor came to pick me up for my next task. I bonged off the walls, but the doctor said he wanted to observe my gait. Once again, I waved to that camouflaged camera. I went to a conference room with chairs filled with professionals quietly staring at me, ready with computer or pencil/paper to preserve my responses. With vertigo, they were kind of spinning around. That eliminated any fears. If they couldn’t stay in their chairs as they repeatedly lapped the room, I was really no big deal. Questions were professionally stated about my goals for the future. Tears came as I dreamed of being a better grandmother and begged for Bob and I to be able to enjoy a day of leisure without falls, stuttering, silly answers or pain. I was stuttering a great deal, which is the thing I hate the most. I don’t really mind walking like a ping-pong ball, but there are stabs of pain when I can’t express myself to others. After all, I have such dramatic things to record for history. I need to announce the cure for cancer. Maybe I just need to talk about the grandkids, but I don’t want to stutter doing that!

The nerves had that vertigo having a great deal of fun. As I walked back to the waiting area, I really banged against a door. It reminded me that the door always win when I decide to test it’s strength. My upper arm is getting pretty bruised already. I’m confident beautiful colors will be there by tomorrow. A staff member heard the thud and quietly came to offer an arm to help guide me on my way. There had to be that camera somewhere! This could win for funniest video. It could go viral on the Internet.

The day continued much in that fashion, but I was able to leave early. The nurse was busy with someone who needed her more, so I was granted leave earlier than normal. I decided to use the subway, or underground walkway, to head to the parking lot. I had extra time and wanted to learn the route. Let’s just say a cameraman had to be following me. I lost my car. Finally I clicked the alarm button. I could hear that annoying honking, but the noise just echoed in the building. Some other people tried to assist with no better success. I laughed at my struggle. Finally I saw the loudly beeping car but couldn’t get to it. By now I had quite an ensemble coming to the rescue with the same degree of success. I knew I was level 2, could see the car, but the cameraman was surely playing tricks. I waved as I went out of the garage to try to come at the car at another angle. Cheers erupted when I found the car and shouted thanks to my fellow parkers.

When I arrived to the hotel, my bed was shouting for me to visit. I ate a late lunch then made the fatal error of lying down to read some information. Hours later my daughter called. Glancing at the 6:15 time. There had to be some major catastrophe for her to call so early. I groped the fun, gasping to hear the news. Stephanie had to explain that it was 6:15 PM, and the kids just wanted to Skype. Oops!

I’ve accomplished little today. The headache powerfully came to be an advocate for my earlier vertigo. Even so, I could fool it as I successfully used my culinary skill and made frozen pizza and carrots for dinner. The breathing stuff hasn’t set my headache away, but I am about to try an imagery video to work on relaxation. I have a feeling it won’t work to its higher capabilities since I will be giggling about the hidden cameraman!

The Advantage of the Mighty Three:

• A conference room of professionals staring at your responses loses its intimidation with them spinning around the room.

Bubbles

What a busy but worthwhile day. For those of you who don’t know, I am back at Mayo working in a 17-day pain management program. Boy do I have the stories to tell, but I realize that I won’t get to many of them. A look at the time makes me cringe as I imagine my nurse’s face when she reads the number of hours of sleep I will get tonight. But my goodness, what do they expect when they assign this much homework. This place is fabulous, but they sure want the details of my life. “What was your relationship with maternal grandparents when you were young? What was your relationship with maternal grandparents when you were a teenager? What is your current relationship with maternal grandparents? I’m waiting for questions about my relationships with the mail carrier, Target cashier, and the neighbor of the second cousin of my paternal grandparents on March 19, 1970? Don’t smirk over there. I’m almost serious.

Let me back up. Bob and I drove up on Wednesday. We needed to stop about every hour to stretch and ease achy bones and muscles. I think by now I have been in every McDonalds from home to Rochester. No problem, fast food is so good for my waistline. My tinnitus sounds as if someone is whistling at my figure. Woo Hoo!

I’m staying at an Extended Stay that is very nice. Bob helped haul all of my goodies into the room. He wanted to make sure that I was settled OK. Some people might describe this room as a studio, but they have no sense of creativity. I have a cozy kitchen complete with 2-burner stove, micro and frig. They supplied 1 knife, 2 forks, 3 spoons, 2 plates, 2 bowls and a frying pan. At least everything is within reach, so I don’t have to worry about my legs giving out. I have an office, craft room, family room, library, bedroom and bath. What else do I need? I splurged and bought those gaudy dyed daisies to brighten up the space. They sit next to pictures of grandkids and hubby that I brought from home. I even spent a whole dollar and have Easter window clings. They make me smile. That’s good.

My poor hubby made it home after an adventure with the airlines. Mechanical problems - that speaks for itself. He ended up taking a bus to Minneapolis for a plane to Chicago. I dropped him off at the Rochester Airport at 7:15 this morning and he didn’t make it home until around 6:00 PM. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

I have made friends with many of the other patients. We gave each other nicknames. (I wonder whose lopsided brain came up with that idea?) There is D-bar Neighbor, Green, Texas and Aloha. They picked “Bubbles” for my name. I think they have noticed my gift of gab. My biofeedback doctor asked if I would be able to do something difficult. I fell for his question and asked for a clarification. He wanted me to stay still and QUIET for five minutes. Yeah, right! We’ll be getting along just fine!

My vertigo decided to act up some for most of today. I guess it was easier for staff to check out the crazy lady demonstrating bouncing off the walls and sitting on the floor. When I got this big bod moving, I warned my companion that my vertigo wanted some attention. Most staff just walked and talked while I stumbled along in a beautiful zigzag formation. Some people asked if I wanted any assistance. My locker neighbor cleared my table and got my lunch ready. Nobody gawks or wonders whether I had snuck in some green ale. I fell a few times, but there is a therapy dog that would slowly amble over for a good scratch behind the ears. It’s another nice excuse for examining the carpet.

Besides Mayo info, I need to confess. My bichon, Einstein (for his hair not his brains) is ahead of me in the NCAA brackets. In fact, he is in first place!

Lots more to talk about, but I will save that for tomorrow. I better hit the mattress. I need all the beauty sleep that I can muster. Thanks for the prayers. I feel even stronger that God is here with me. You can look outside and see his handprint in the gorgeous rock formations. There is a sense of peace and serenity at the Pain Rehab Center, they call it the PRC, that can only come through the presence of the Holy Spirit. I’m amazed at the number of Stephen Ministers who are either patients or staff. There is the whisper of hope floating in the air. I can easily smile as I knock into that dumb pillar that jumped in my way.

This is right. I questioned coming on this adventure with some wonderful friends. My pastor sent me packing following a prayer, lying on of the hands, providing a gift of an oil cross on my forehead. That cross still is gently caressing my soul, urging me on and now scolding me that I am up way too late.

It’s not good getting the Holy Spirit mad, so I am out of here for now. Keep praying and then have some fun. Life will ramble past you if you don’t pay attention.

Advantage of the Mighty Three

• You get to create new friendships strengthened with a bond of understanding, Translated, this means that Bubbles can’t keep her mouth shut and my new friends can’t keep from laughing. Thanks God! I like laughter.

Polished Baseboards

When the kitchen renovating finally came to a quiet end, our contractor provided a cleaning lady for four free hours. Dust was everywhere! Putting things away and clean was a much bigger job than we had realized.

Following her work, both Bob and I were floored to look at the floor. She had gone down to hands and knees to insure cleanliness. Dirt hidden in grooves and cracks could not elude her work. Glass shelves sparkled. I know my homemaker skills are just slightly higher than any athletic skills (or lack thereof) but this was amazing. We had a different cleaning crew before, but their work was not even comparable.

We needed to keep this new cleaning guru. So we hired her, and her college-aged son, to come on Saturday morning. Bob stayed home while I went to church for a Stephens meeting. He wondered why they were taking so long in our bedroom. My hubby heard vacuuming and movement, so he knew they hadn’t stopped for a quick snooze. After two hours, his curiosity won. As he looked in our door, he couldn’t believe his eyes. They had pulled out our bed and vacuumed underneath. How many people even attempt to capture all those dust bunnies (and magazines, socks and dog toys)? The dust had to be at least nine inches deep. They cleaned and organized everything under our bathroom sink. I’m usually afraid to even open those cabinet doors. Both dressers sat away from the walls to rescue lost items that had fallen behind the furniture. A whole barrel of lost and found items quickly accumulated. Of course as long as these furniture items were pulled from the walls, they vacuumed and dusted. Who does that? Even the baseboards were polished. I didn’t know baseboards ever met wood polish.

Teresa, our new angel, didn’t want any praise. She humbly said that these activities were just parts of her job. She cleaned. Today’s homeowners don’t have time for these tasks. Time with family and church should be more important. Her son simply stated that his mom was a cleaning “professional”. She took pride in her work, but everyone should be proud of his work. Do things always to the best of one’s ability.

After only one visit, she quickly knew the way to Bob’s heart and brought him homemade sausage and some strong Polish vodka. Besides wanting items clean, she believes personal bonds between people need to be strengthened. Strengthen away! Bob will take any homemade goodies if that helps her character. (What a wonderful hubby I have!)

That’s part of the philosophy for my long-awaited journey tomorrow. I head back to Mayo for three and a half weeks of hard work as I do my part in fighting my pain. The medical staff are the experts. I’ll listen to their advice after I check out their baseboards.

The next weeks bring many wonderful events: no dust under the bed. new physical therapy exercises, a long trip to Rochester, extended absence from Bob (and Einstein) and polished baseboards. Everyone is doing his or her part. Please accept your job of praying for wisdom, serenity, knowledge and patience. (You could probably forget that patience part. I’m a hopeless candidate under that category.) When people work together, God accomplishes amazing miracles through the use of our arms, legs and hearts. Thanks for all your work.

Today’s advantage of the Mighty Three

• · You get to be the recipient of many prayers.

Sirens Rushed to Our Home

Bob and I went to the mall this morning in search of knowledge of using Apple laptops as paired friends. Nothing like those young experts to make us admit our ignorance in today’s technology. Do all techies have nose rings and ponytails?

As we grabbed a burger before heading home, a neighbor greeted us with a smile. Just a short time ago, he had heard sirens rushing to our home, something unique in our quiet neighborhood. Another young gentleman, who weekly stops by our home to help with our aquariums, set off our home alarm. His boss had switched their password while forgetting to inform his young employee. Bob and I seldom have the alarm activated during the day. It sure was an unwelcome surprise as fire engines, ambulances and police rushed to our address. At least we found out our alarm company is diligent in efforts to protect our home. Tell that to our quaking “fish guy” and startled bichon.

Bob and I have gone through almost all of the boxes and bins crowding our home following the kitchen renovation. We should finish with one more work session. A new cleaning lady arrives tomorrow afternoon to try to get the remaining grit from our home. (I used to smile when I heard friends say they needed to clean before the cleaning lady.)

Bob just got back from a walk with Einstein. Curious neighbors rushed outside to see him. We’re now somewhat celebrities and extremely grateful it was a false emergency. Bob’s unsure of the throngs he attracts and pledges to obtain a disguise before venturing out again. I just laugh.

Advantage of the Mighty Three

• You quickly discover your neighbors’ concerns if sirens rush to your home. They’re aware of your medical hurdles and send silent prayers for our health. Thanks guys. We’ll take all the prayers we can get.

Bouncing Blubber

Happy Fat Tuesday everyone. It’s one of our favorite days of the year. Imagine people expecting us to pig out. It’s almost a religious obligation.

Things are hanging in there, about the same as always. Weather fronts seem to add a zing to my headaches. Chicagoland has been changing weather conditions faster than I can change my mind on what clothes to wear. I don’t need to ask whether the outfit makes me look fat because I have learned to face reality. I have enjoyed far too many Fat Tuesdays to wear any single digit clothing. I just figure that the layers of blubber will help pad my frequent falls.

We now have workmen outside tending to our brickwork. There were two areas where the drain spouts would overflow causing wonderful ice skating rinks in the winter. With our love of ice, something had to be done. Our mailbox is also at a 47^o

angle after valiantly battling snow plows during our months of heavy snow. So add one more item to the list of how we are helping the economy. At least when I pull out the plastic, free miles are added to our account. That means more trips to see those cute little grandsons.

This will be a short blog today so I can continue to shove food into my mouth. We still have a box of paczskis in the frig that are calling my name.

Advantage of the Mighty Three

• Layers of fat are really cushions to protect my falls, making them somewhat of a medical necessity.

The Fringes

Bob and I made it to church today. It always feels wonderful to see our church family. The sermon compared the Transfiguration to Golgotha in a unique and comforting way.

Due to the noise and vibration of the organ, we have come to sit back in the narthex. It used to be seating just during music but has come to be during the entire service. We jokingly refer to these seats as "in the balcony". I’ve always known that somehow there are “reserved” seats in the pews. Golly forbid you sit in the place of the senior ladies or even certain families. I had never heard of saving these seats way out in the fringes though. This location lacks some of the peace found in the pews. People see us and offer sincere hugs and concern, but that sure distracts two ol' folk with ADD tendencies. The noise of kids, latecomers, ushers and even friends can interfere with the service, but at least it feels like home.

Bob and I are in the fringes – almost there, but not quite. We have become more spectator than participant. How true this also seems for our life. We want to go to the mall, basketball game and social gatherings. Our current physical conditions have instead placed us in the fringes. Right now, he wants to go out to dinner. (The new kitchen has not improved my culinary skills.) I'm afraid to go because the strong medication has finally slightly broken my migraine.

There are advantages to our fringe lifestyle. We save money by not going to the movies, concerts or ballgames. We spend more time together. (Poor Bob, with me 24/7.) People know where to find us. BUT, we miss our friends. That’s one way this blog has been beneficial. People still hear how we are doing. My jabbering keeps people in touch. I love to hear comments my jabbering, but I've been told leaving comments is not as easy as it sounds. Living in the fringes is too often a spectator sport. We peek in but don’t fully take part.

Right now, fringe life is all that we can hope for. We ache to get back to the throngs and join in the fun. We’ll get there sooner or later with the help of our pain doctor and the wonderful folk up at Mayo. Just keep turning around, give us a wave and share your love.

Advantage of the Mighty Three:

• · You get special seating at events.

Brain in a Blender

This has been a tough week for me. My vertigo has me going a little crazy that I guess isn’t too hard to do. I decreased one of my medications and quickly realized that may not be a good option. After three weeks of sitting on the floor, I returned the medicine to the original amount.

I have not had this type of vertigo for this extended amount of time. Picture scooping out your brain and tossing it in a blender (lovely visual I know). It literally feels like my brain is spinning and morphing into new shapes. Although that’s an interesting condition, I think I could easily stop this vertigo without complaint.

It feels like someone is strongly massaging my head just past the comfort level. My hair looks gorgeous since even brushing causes pain. Water from the shower is excruciating, so I am helping our water bill. I long for a hot shower.

The good new though is that I’ve managed to make some cards for relatives. Each one takes me hours to finish, but I’m glad that at least there is a finished product. Our family room has papers, adhesive, stamp pads and stamps scattered around my seat on the couch. (It would be an interesting psychological study to see individuals’ assigned seating in their family room and its impact on personality traits.)

There are still boxes on and under the dining room table. Most of the items have found a new home though. Orphans will just be donated to some worthy cause. I hope to finish early next week.

So instead of stamping or cleaning, here I plop on the couch writing my blog. I am so creative on excuses for procrastination. Keep those prayers going for us. God knows right away whom you will be talking about.

Advantage of the Mighty Three:

• You get a new excuse for a bad hair day.